i've been asked often,

why are you so brave, to make such a firm decision?

they've no idea how afraid i am inside.. how fearful, how much i struggle

how i still cry, in the silence of the night

defeated.

how the memories still come back to haunt, torment

etched in my mind and heart,

only forever.

i wish i can get out of this limbo state

this midway dance between heaven and hell

in my pursuit of happiness i've lost so much

yet who can tell me, what happiness really is

i know not anymore.

you are not wrong, to deem.. my days have been a dream.