It's lovely Sunday and i'm so thankful for the chance to finally rest at home the whole day. The past two weeks have been a little hectic and i was so seldom home. Haven't been sleeping well either cos my bro has been smoking cigars at midnight for hours and the smoke smell is so overpowering and fills up my whole room that i find it really choking n hard to fall asleep.

It was Yuan's wedding yesterday. Me n lisi were her JMs and it was my first time! All the JMs were very nice and helpful.. haha quite fun. think lisi might not have enjoyed it much cos she kana alot of "feet" water from the brothers. lol. think the JM dress was nice afterall when everyone wears it together. can't wait for pics. So happy for yuan and i could really feel that she was very happy and at ease throughout the day. their love story is amazing! 15 years of love! gosh. i think it takes alot of love and commitment for the two of them to stay devoted for so many years and to be so sure of each other. :)

I must say that not many guys are ready to settle down n commit to a marriage at this age. They might think they are but they're not, and their actions prove it. Anw, thinking back to evolutionary psych, i was pondering at how men and women are designed to be at odds. It's amazing how marriages can last at all, but then again, nowadays they seldom do, and even if they do, there are so many cracks.

Women are programmed evolutionary to look in a man, traits which show they are ready to settle down and invest resources in her, and this ensures her and her offspring's survival. Resources can mean anything from money to food to perhaps most imptly, feelings and being faithful. We are programmed to subconsciously think this way so that we choose a man who would be unlikely to invest his resources in another woman (which in ancient times, can result in her perishment).

Men, on the other hand, are simply programmed to plant their seeds all over the place so as to ensure that their genes are passed on to their offsprings. Thus, men of all ages, are programmed to be attracted to women who are young, often in the twenties, which is the peak of fertility. They are also attracted to women with big hips, a key indicator of fertility. This is nature's way of ensuring survival and passing on of genes, at least for our ancestors. Even though some of these things are not applicable in modern age anymore (e.g. women do not need men's resources for survival all the time now), this was what worked for our ancestors and the psychological "programming" has been passed down to us.

Of cos, not all men are like what i described. There are definitely men who dun go around spreading their seeds and looking at young women, but these are the few and far betweens. There are definitely men who prioritise their marriages above all else. And single ladies, I'm afraid this species have all been taken up -- because these are the men who want to settle down in the first place, and they already have. So, look twice or thrice at any single male species who are past the age of 27. If they show the slightest inclination to settle down, it's because their buddies are doing that.

Sorry that the cynical me is acting up again. I've just been relating it back to my own experience, and now i know why i've to think so hard about everything. Maybe it's simply the evolutionary programming acting up, and it's nature's way of protecting myself from being harmed -- by thinking like thrice about everything and ensuring i make a good (and smart) choice.

And I think, amongst the things i hate most, i hate being taken for granted all the time when i've honestly always tried to be the nicest and most understanding that i could already. i also hate being unappreciated for who I am. i hate being told that i can be more tolerant and much better when i've been the best i could to u. i hate being prioritized at the end of the ranks. and I dun see why i have to live with it.