Xmas came and went

can't believe that my dec hols is coming to an end and it's back to work on tuesday. perhaps it's the fear of what's to come at work, perhaps it's the phobia of working till midnight, or the dread of unaccomplishable tasks, but this must be the one toughest going-back-to-work moment for me.

i'm thankful for the brief respite i had these two weeks. work was so hectic right before that it drained me and made me literally a dead fish. i was so grateful on that last friday of work although i still had to pull myself away from office (last to leave, no surprise) to force myself to go on leave. although i had the greatest fortune of being away from work over the last 2 weeks and being in the company of my loved ones and the comfort of home, i still am severely mentally drained and i believe no amount of rest could recuperate me fully. dreams fill my sleep every night, not sweet ones, but vivid, stressful ones. it's been awhile since i had a restful sleep whereby i wake up feeling fresh and recharged.

nevertheless, i tried, really tried, to empty my mind of work and fully immerse myself in resting.

christmas is over, and this year, the spirit of christmas is somehow lacking for me. perhaps it's the absence of writing xmas cards (only a few, here and there), of buying and giving presents (always the greatest joy), or perhaps it could be the absence of my favourite xmas foods, think turkey, puddings, chocolates. but i'm thankful i had the company of my loved ones which is what christmas is all about.

spent the last few days with my family and i hope i made my mum happy by staying by her side on both her birthday and the day after. all my life i could never feel good about going out w friends on xmas day cos it's my mum's bday. hence the entire xmas season is usually spent at home. and we ate so much. think everyone gained 2 pounds except for me. xmas day was dim sum lunch at our usual peach garden, complete with my much missed wasabi prawns and roasted duck. dinner was at another chinese restaurant. boxing day was spent at my cousin's, and she whipped up my fav baked cheese sliced potatoes, baked pork with thyme and rosemary, honey roasted chicken wings, fresh mushroom soup and we had my mummy's lychee martini bday cake. dinner was a seafood meal of salted crabs and lala (my fav)! gawd, the amount of food i had.

a few photos of my xmas with my family...

and mummy gave me a lovely xmas present!! a huge jewellery wooden box with 9 drawers!! finally, something big enough to store my accessories. i filled up every drawer immediately. no space left. haha. love the vintage look of the box. hope to bring this box with me through life!

What does it feel like to be, say, addicted to a deadly drug? Knowing that it's harmful for u in the long run, but yet, for the good feelings it gives you now, u succumb to temptation and live with the guilt and fear inside? You have enough sense to try kick it off a couple of times, but not enough determination to kick it off totally and thoroughly, and it keeps coming back. You know you have to rid yourself of the addiction one day, but yet the one day is never near enough. What can one do?

The feeling is helplessness. And i think, it applies to many of us in many situations, perhaps not to this great degree, but to an extent definitely. It applies to things, activities, or even people which/whom we know are no good for us in the long run. I think, letting go and moving on from a habit or from something which makes us feel good is never a human forte. Ironically, it's so behavioural science.

And i end off here. No energy to post hanoi pics but will try to do it soon. 2010 is coming!