sometimes life takes a chunk out of you.

the week started off bad for me. i was near screaming in the office today, having to work on an obsolete laptop which is simply not responding.

i hate it, when i have a trillion things to rush out and many deadlines to meet. but all i could do was to wait and wait and wait and wait somemore while my laptop hangs. or sometimes it takes like 10 minutes to respond to a click, another 15 minutes to download an article. everything i sent to the printer turned out wrong.

my frustration was bursting out of every pore.

a deadline today, a deadline on this thurs, a deadline next monday, a deadline next wed. but actually work's been going this way all along. thing is, i just need my laptop to function. i need it to churn out reports for me, fast, i need to download research, fast, i need it to give me slides and tables, fast!! sometimes i feel like it's life on the line.

tried asking my office for a change of notebook before but it was turned down.

it doesn't help when i kept getting calls on my office phone from someone. 3, 4 calls throughout the day. it doesn't help when the person says, "You're not respecting me by not wanting to talk to me.". It doesn't help when I wish I can put down the phone but yet I have to think of a way to talk tactfully lest i anger him more. It doesn't help when he threatens to find me.

yes. i'm scared. to be honest, i'm constantly scared. being threatened. thinking of what u might just do. are u happy? i'm mentally exhausted, more than anything else. really. and doing all these just shows that u only care about yourself.

sometimes, i feel like i'm breaking down. life on the line.