the advocate i'd never wish to be.

just something about work which i need to rant about, or else i can't sleep tonight.

a project i'm involved in that's been bugging me for awhile now. triggered by today's branch meeting whereby some tension was created. think 60 pple in a room. close to 40 psychologists, all with their own minds, all strong in their convictions.

i really don't know how to proceed. sometimes i feel so stuck, i feel i'm pushed into a role of advocacy for something which i don't fully believe in. that's the most painful feeling. how do u ask me to carry out and enforce such a big scale study, which i've gotten my hands into for 2 whole years, and i have to carry it out as if the idea comes from me, when actually i'm not even convinced by it?

i think we all hear the cries coming from the ground. some are valid points, which are from my heart as well. but i have to continue playing the advocate, when i've voiced out the same cries within the team.

i think we're moving too fast to keep up with ourselves. true, this would be good for our kids. our intention is never none other than for their own good. that part i've always believed in, and would never lose sight of. but if we're moving too fast and furious, the tables are just turning back against us. it's like a huge backlash.

oh well. maybe in ur own words, it's the lesser evil. moving too fast vs leaving unidentified kids suffering in silence. i'm in a dilemma myself. all i know is that i'm in a painful role to be. and u have too big a pair of shoes to fill. really. i think we really need better direction.

sigh.

tmr is another long day. conducting CPD for my school personnel whole morning. then i'm meeting a difficult teacher followed by a difficult parent -- the things u know u have to do no matter how much u wish u can avoid. as if today hadn't been a long day. 4.5 hrs of branch meeting + 2 hrs + 1.5 hrs.

fire-fighting is becoming my forte. so looking forward to the weekend.

life's still good :)