i'm perpetually having monday blues.

left office when it was dark again and it made me feel sad and lonely. the corridor lights were all off and it was pretty scary.

the impending period is not making me feel any better. already feeling the bloatedness and mild cramps before it even starts.

i'm really thinking, how can a person pack so much work in a day?? i feel like i'm packed to the brim already and i can't handle it anymore. we're gonna have a talk with management on thursday. how do i tell them that i can't take it? how do i tell them that i can't take piles of work up my head anymore, having to eat late lunches because of 5 hr meetings, having to do projects which they might not even have a clue about, having to rush work till i can't go toilet sometimes, having to fire fight those initiatives which they so proudly announce to public, having to be paid half the wages of ppl who do the same things as us??

i have to learn how to conduct an array of psychological assessments, how to interpret them, problem analysis, case integration, intervention strategies, theories of special needs, presentation skills, consultation skills, interview skills, facilitation skills, research design and methodology, statistics and data analysis, proposal writing, psych report writing, literature review, dealing with difficult parents, dealing with difficult kids, dealing with nasty teachers, guiding and developing my case managers and school personnel, and of cos the whole load of administrative shit. to top it off, the course and assignments and projects.

i. can't. breathe.

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I had a nightmare last night. in my dream, a group of us were in a house. delighted at first, but only to discover mysterious things. there were some strange objects, and then things were bouncing in a certain manner.

we were all freaked out. the feeling of fear was so strong and intense in my dream that i woke up in sweat. i think my fear actually forced me to get out of the dream subconsciously. it was in the middle of the night. i was so scared i hid under the blanket even though i was perspiring. didn't dare to open my eyes at all.

luckily i was so tired i fell asleep not too long after.

mummy says i'm suffering from mental breakdown. sigh.