yay i finally have wireless internet in my room at home!

lessens the devastation of moving home. but alas, the wireless isn't very stable and i get disconnected quite often at times. oh well, beats having nothing right.

ok moving home isn't really devastating as i made it sound. i dun hate to be home. but there're just certain privileges and freedom that are gone forever. as much as i love my family there're still clashes not to be avoided.. gets tiring and sometimes i just wanna be alone. i have recently entertained thoughts of renting a flat out.. not so soon la.. prob in a few years' time.. or prob it won't even happen at all. just a thought.

some changes to my life.

thong has started his first day of work on fri. sigh. the thought of it makes me depressed. i think both of us are still struggling to come to terms with the fact that play time is indeed over, and real work is here.

i'm not sure of the new changes it'll bring us. like all my life with thong, we've been undergrads, living in the same hostel together. at the end of each sem when he has to go back to the army, i feel that twinge of fear and melancholy, but i remind myself that it's only for a couple of months. this time i can't console myself with that anymore. cos this time, it'll be forever. and those times we had together once can only reside in our memories, not to be relived again.

i can only hope that our rship won't change. i'm really not sure where fate will bring us.. i do have strong faith in our rship.. and i know we'll both try to make it happen. it's just that.. it's such a big change for now, it's a whole new world.. there's uncertainty ahead.. which is pretty natural i guess.. for me to feel this way.. for now i just hope that things will turn out just right, that we can deal and adapt to permanent changes just fine... that we'll both try to take out more time for each other in the midst of our work..

mummy's also so busy working now. things with her now are sometimes precarious.. clashes are so inevitable with her so stressed out n short tempered nowadays.. i'm feeling all stressed too.. dealing with her.. trying to be cautious, understanding, caring and helpful all at the same time.

she's always this way.. she's a workaholic and perfectionist when she gets down to it cos she feels so responsible for her work.. to the extent that she gives herself too much OT to finish up more work.. she's been coming home late.. taking computer lessons on her own to be more efficient.. skipping meals.. esp lunch. she even had severe gastritis when i was in aussie, and went to the hospital for scans. scared the hell outta us.. and now she's still eating little sometimes.. she's bringing work home everyday.. doing stuff till the middle of the night..

it scares me to see her this way.. like becoming a different person.. too worried bout her work.. now she's so preoccupied with it that all she can talk bout is her work.. haven't even talk to her much bout my trip yet, cos she really has no time. went down to her office to help her type stuff.. cos she says she cannot handle all the load alone.. going to help her again next week i guess.. it really hurts to see her this way.. i prefer her staying idle at home, though she feels lonely and bored. all these make me wanna find a job soon too... been asking her to quit. but she says she's doing it not just for the money.. but that she dun wanna be at home doing nothing.. sighh..

okiee and so i'm the only one bumming around each day, aimless and without motivation. and yea, still figuring out what i want to do. but as they say, beggars can't be choosers so i'd prob betta stop being picky and just send the blardy resume out everywhere. wth.

anyway i've yet to blog bout my trip! betta do so before i forget everything. okiee promise myself i'll start soon. very soon.