emo-ness

it's the time of the week when i feel the greatest influx of negative emotions ala inexplicable emo-ness again.

maybe it's the stress from work, maybe it's the time for myself and loved ones. but weekends are so precious now that i've started work and they fly past at great speed. naturally sunday nights are the prime time to get emo about the pile of work ahead. the biggest consolation i have for myself is that the week flies quickly as well and before i know it, i'd have another weekend ahead.

i'm going to just ramble on about nothingness now. it's an emo post afterall. u're already warned.

sometimes i wonder... is it that hard for humans to live together happily? what does it take? why is it so tough to communicate our feelings and thoughts to one another, to make others understand? our expectations of others.. are they really unreasonable? is it wrong.. to wish that others would do what you would do for them?

why do we turn our backs on the very ones who love us the most? we disappoint them time and again but they'll always be there for us. what would it take to make us realise that we should be treasuring them instead?

i think that whatever we do.. we are doing in the pursuit of happiness. the fundamental human instinct, coming right after basic survival needs, is to seek positive emotions. having said that, sometimes it makes us selfish too. to get our happiness, are we sometimes hurting others around us? do we do things just so that others can be happy? i think sometimes i do. but that's when the dilemma comes in. caught in between wanting others to be happy, and satisfying my own needs too.

the course is starting this week at nie. there's alot of trepidation building up within me. i guess no matter how much i try to suppress it, how much i tell myself things would be ok, i'm still scared inside. i really dunno what tomorrow will bring. what will the course bring? how will our future work pan out? how am i going to travel to nie and back? i really dunno. despite all the promises the management has made, i'm beginning to see how i can't trust their promises anymore. deep inside i know that the course is gonna bring extra workload, and that somehow, i just have to learn to adapt to it and find a way to absorb a wider repertoire of work like a sponge, just like what i've been doing for the past few months.

i hate uncertainties and insecurities. but it's so part and parcel of life... in work, rships, everything. i just wish there's an anchor somewhere, a safety harbour, where things are more certain, predictable, calm. i feel like i need that right now. when i look at my life i realise that every aspect is so uncertain, so unstable. when can i find my harbour?