“ Have you ever been in love? Horrible isn’t it? It makes you so vulnerable. It opens your chest and it opens up your heart and it means that someone can get inside you and mess you up. You build up all these defenses, you build up a whole suit of armor, so that nothing can hurt you, then one stupid person, no different from any other stupid person, wanders into your stupid life…You give them a piece of you. They didn’t ask for it. They did something dumb one day, like kiss you or smile at you, and then your life isn’t your own anymore. Love takes hostages. It gets inside you. It eats you out and leaves you crying in the darkness, so simple a phrase like ‘maybe we should be just friends’ turns into a glass splinter working its way into your heart. It hurts. Not just in the imagination. Not just in the mind. It’s a soul-hurt, a real gets-inside-you-and-rips-you-apart pain. I hate love. " Neil Gaiman

This is from an author I respect, and when I saw this I was surprised at how much it tore at me. Such that everything I feel is captured within this quote. How much it totally messed up my life, and simply my life isn't my own anymore. The pain rips me apart, yes. And how I wish I can just get out of it, run away. I hate it so much. I wish I can hate you, and walk away one day. But no, I'm a hostage now.

It makes me want to build up an armour again, and not let anyone inside ever. It makes me wish that no stupid person will ever walk inside my life again. My pieces will always be kept by me, never to be given to anyone again.

Why can't I listen to my rational self, my ego, but always follow my instinctual id? Why do I do things I know would only hurt myself one day? Why can't I be brave enough to pull out that glass splinter residing in my heart, deep entrenched?

God save me, on the day I used to love, but now can only hate.