taking a short break from writing a paper... no idea how to proceed with the paper.. it's a paper to update the minister and other ministerial members.. arghh how to write?? I've to attend an exco meeting with them in 2 weeks' time and i'm really stressed out now.. the amount of work in preparation for it is draining me.

supposed to catch voyage de la vie at RWS tonight but really kinda no mood now. the extent to which work stress kills your personal life and emotions.

it's true how it's being said that true love is not when u're both happy together during good times, but when u're still happy during the crunch.

read an article about how providing emotional support for your other half is really impt. all of us know that... but, the crux lies in how and what type of support we provide. the most effective support apparently is providing encouragement and showing confidence in your partner, the most detrimental is providing information and advice. and i'd like to say that this is so true in my own life. when many a time all we just want is to whine to the other person, have a listening ear and empathy, get a hug and receive some positive words, rather than someone telling us what to do/what we shouldn't have done.

on friday, a culmination of stress factors coupled with a nasty incident of me being thrashed and taking the blame for my research executives just broke me down damn badly. i went to hid myself in the office toilet and just burst out crying. for a good half hour i stayed there, feeling miserable and lousy, feeling like no one understands and wondered why i'm always stuck in such positions.

it's partly my fault and yet partly not. it's a mistake made by people i'm leading, but yet since i'm leading the piece of work i'm answerable to everything and i should have checked and made sure of everything. but i thought i could have confidence in them. how do i empower them such that i can have full confidence in the work they submit and not need to mother their work so thoroughly? so as their leader i have to shield them and take the blame and make answer to bosses. but yet my own leader will not shield me from it, and i have to bear everything alone.

feeling so damn jaded and tired. it's not just the sheer amount of work but also the sheer complexity and challenge in the work i'm doing. i've no idea how to proceed with many many pieces of work, especially those related to policy decisions and making recommendations to senior management and ministerial committee. yet i just have to force myself to do it with very little guidance and support from my superior.

it's really like throwing me in the deep blue ocean and asking me to float.