tired. depressed. things are not looking so good.

came home to do more work after OT... work work work.. i'm really going crazy.

had a nice dinner with gal friends yesterday at a jap place (nice food). about the only good thing that happened to me in awhile. but beneath those laughter, nobody knows the hidden pain.

returned home last night and true enough had another fight with my mum. tears, door slams, throwing things, and i told her i'm going to move out of the damn house today. i hate myself for not having the means and heart to.

woke up in the middle of the night in pain (cramps pain) and ended up spending the next two hours in the toilet puking out my nice jap food. near blackout again. took panadol n managed to sleep at 4plus.

the whole of today was so weak in the knees n still had to do school visits. more panadols. was so tired i nodded off a couple of times during meeting with school. paiseh x 10. luckily my supervisor knows i'm not feeling well. can't take mc in my job. didn't even occur to me to take mc until somebody asked why. work is so packed now i wont even dream of it.

i'm so busy with work i can't breathe anymore. i feel constricted. my march calendar is filled up all the way to the 31st already.

yet i can't get proper sleep at home. noises from the bro, his xbox, door slams, keep me awake till wee hours, or wake me up a few times through the night. i wake up at 7am each morning, a zombie.

i'm so tired. tired tired tired.

a presentation to make at branch meeting tmr. 8,30am. gotta go office at 8. haven't prepare my speech. no more brain cells left to think now. yet i know if i dun type this out and vent out my anger, i can't get to work.

last night while crying to sleep i think i muttered something like pls let me die, over and over again. i'm not sure if i meant it, and tt's the scary part. i know i sound like a wreck. and i think i am. i think i'm having some of the worst days of my life for these past few weeks.