i feel like slapping someone.

it's 11pm and my brother is playing drums at home.

i almost fainted when i came home today and saw the new drums set.

when he had the previous one, those days were dark and nightmarish. he'd play them in the middle of the night. i'd wake up from shock, unable to go back to sleep again, even when i had to work the next day. so when he sold it off a few months ago, life was suddenly beautiful once again.

my nightmare is now back to haunt me.

sometimes i hate him. hate him to the core. hate him for being him. hate being related to him in any way. if i had a choice i'd go to the other end of the universe. why does such a being exist? why was my childhood so darkened by him which caused so much repercussions to my growing up and adult years? of cos it's not just the drums. it's about everything. everything that goes way back.

One of the most devastating things which could happen in a day is when...

you travelled home from nie craving for a good nap only to find that one of the main doors which has never been locked before is locked up, and u don't have the keys to it;

you pressed the doorbell and no one's home;

your handphone is totally flat;

your bladder is bursting;

you borrowed handphone from a maid you bumped into downstairs and even used up your coins in a public payphone to call all the numbers in your family that you can memorise and no one picked up;

you can't remember the numbers of those family members who might have a chance of picking up their phones;

the first and only person who picked up your call just went, "oh is it, then how..";

it was raining and you lent your umbrella to your colleague as you thought you wouldn't need it;


Sigh. It was just such a terrible day for me. Felt very much alone and helpless at that point in time. The thought of being locked out of my home again makes me shudder. I don't ever want to relive the experience again.

i jus want to crawl into bed and sleep now.