yesterday some of us in the branch went to the spastic association for children to be volunteers for a children's day carnival held there.. quite an experience for me i must say, this being my first time volunteering at a special needs school.

each of us was in charge of a child.. and our roles included bringing the child all over the carnival to play all the games, take care of their needs like feeding, cleaning them etc..

i'd nv really known wat cerebral palsy is all about. din know it can be so seriously impairing. the kids were majority wheelchair bound, stuck at infantile mental age, unable to express themselves and are totally dependent on caregivers and volunteers to take care of their every need.

my girl was one of the most seriously impaired. honestly, i was a lil' jittery at first.. like how should i take care of her, wat if i do something wrong, how do i know how to handle her if she starts acting up etc? they all seem so fragile. i was alone with her, and u dunno wat can go wrong. luckily the teacher gave me some info about her.. like her ways of expressing dislikes and likes... and haha she disliked most of the games and refused to try.. anyway i was v afraid when at one point she started hitting her head furiously with her left hand... only till later did i realise that her left hand shld always be tucked under her shirt to ensure she doesn't hit herself.. and how she kept jerking her head around during feeding time and i thought she was throwing a tantrum and din want to eat.. but the teacher came and told me that's her way of showing happiness. and at one point she kinda choked on her food and i didn't know wat to do other than patting her back!

being a volunteer with these children is really draining, challenging, but at the same time, meaningful. it's really not just about learning how to wheel them around, getting comfortable with their saliva getting all over u, breaking their food into small pieces and dipping them into water to make it more soluble for them, or even dealing with their different ways of expressing themselves and understanding their needs..

to me, i feel it's about really wanting the best for them even when they do not understand ur intentions and are unresponsive. it's about giving and not wanting anything in return. i always feel that anyone can feel ur sincerity and love, no matter who it is. even the mentally challenged. just give lots of patience and care, with a non-judgemental attitude, they can feel it. they may not be able to show their appreciation, but that's not wat voluntary work is about anyway.

today's reflections

today i met a little boy with four dimples.

it was my first time in a meeting with a parent, and a very heartwarming and emotional one at that. at least for me.

it was a mum whose boy had suspected dyslexia. she's this dynamic, outgoing, sporty woman.. tanned, fit, pretty.. swimming coach.

but wat came next would astound me deeply.

she was asked by our ep whether their family has any history of dyslexia or learning impairments.. and her answer was that she would never know, because she was an adopted child herself, and the father of her son left them even before her son was born.

the mere idea of someone having utterly no family connections whatsoever, just suddenly dawned on me how painful that must be.. how alone. and she only has, basically, her son.

how worried and helpless she must have felt, to be sitting there, listening to her son's psychological and intelligence reports, as if her whole world depended on that. the kind of glad relief on her face when she heard that her son has above average intelligence would nv leave my mind.

she seemed so strong but yet there is this very soft and weaker side of her.

then, the little boy with the four dimples walked in. giving his sweetest smile, he grinned at everyone, gave his mum a big hug and a big kiss on her lips.. and simply awed the audience.

mother and son were such a sweet couple.. throughout the meeting they hugged and kissed each other ever so often.. gazed at each other so sweetly.. and were full of encouragements n nice words for each other..

felt my eyes welling up.. i just feel they're so strong.. and they only have each other. we know how the mum's struggling to raise him up by herself.. and financial constraints r prob the reason why she cannot afford to get him special help outside which he really needs..

but yet the smiles on their faces are so real, so genuine.

i believe i've witnessed a very strong form of love indeed.

these 2 days of work made me think and reflect on alot of things.

yesterday was a day of meeting with principals for our adhd team, followed by a classroom observation of a suspected autistic pupil on behalf of my mentor, and 2 sessions of assessment in the afternoon.

after the meeting, two of us were just chatting with this counsellor from a school.. and what she said just inspired me so much. perhaps it's the way she talked.. perhaps it's her vibrancy and passion.. the way she spoke made me feel like she truly wants to help, and she cares so much for the kids. and towards the end, she shared with us that she had a severe stuttering problem when she was young (truly shocking cos she's so confident and charismatic..).. which is why she really want to help kids overcome their learning difficulties cos she understands how frustrating it feels.

then at the classroom observation.. while observing the kid.. watching his behaviour, his moves.. i dunno.. i was just thinking.. hmm so this boy is suspected of asd. how can we help him? will it really do him better if we identify him, diagnose him, "label" him, and try to intervene? wouldn't he feel segregated from the rest of the normal kids in his class? he may just have a mild case of asd. he is still highly functioning n can interact and all.. but he is indeed having some problems with social skills.. evidently. but would he become acutely aware of his problem if we pick him out? already during the observation, he kept looking back at us, seemingly aware that we're all observing him, because by now, it's obvious that pple around him like teachers, counsellors, psychologists r trying to reach out to him. wouldn't he feel like he's different, and special? he gave me the feeling that he's very conscious about himself.

and today, our division had a full day of workplan seminar.. had this speaker who's an anthropologist who shared w us lotsa meaningful things. and the work she did, just inspired me so much and reminded me of the kind of things i've always wanted to do.. and i made this mental checklist of things i'd really like to carry out:

-do a community project in an overseas school. perhaps cambodia/vietnam. i wanna teach the poor kids there.
-volunteer at a children's ward/hospice.
-start a project whereby volunteers can write letters and cards to children who are terminally ill, to give them support and friendship. this idea came up somewhere when i was interning at mcys.. somehow we never got down to it.

really wanna do these someday.. but i've no idea where to find the time/resources to start with.. sigh. i know one day i'll carry them out.

all i can say is.. this job really makes us think/reflect on ourselves and alot of issues in life. i think psychologists think too much. but in a way, we need to. there's alot of personal growth and development to be done, before we can think of helping others. the learning curve and challenge is very very steep.. we have to keep checking on ourselves..

sometimes the more i think, the more i question, and ultimately i end up with more questions and confusion than answers.

my bday

as usual, the queen of procrastination is back with long overdued pics.

had a wonderful 23rd bday this year, made special by so many lovelies in my life.

celebration with moos @ jin's house

thanks to jin for his very nice house.. they held a surprise bbq for me! too bad i lost my voice that day and had such a bad throat i couldn't eat anything :(

lovely peeps.

my fav rum and raisins cheesecake from the cheesecake cafe!

had a great time catching up with the blk c peeps.. almost everyone from our batch was there, and it's just nice to have everyone around again, just like old times.

picnic and settlers with the gals

we were in the midst of a lovely picnic... everyone brought nice food..

when it suddenly rained!!

our wet-weather programme kicked in and we proceeded to settlers..

had a blast of a time there though the picnic was such a waste

bud since jc days..

and then this silly cecilia whipped out her water gun and started shooting at me! sheesh. that's how she treats the bday gal! rarr.

but no worries. fifi the strong gal managed to fight with her....

...and ended up with the gun!! now poor ceci's on the run instead.

marriott cafe with the family

we spent a nice quiet sunday afternoon having tea at marriott cafe.. nice food, ambience, company. love our gals.

our signature Coach! i love my auntie's clutch so much.

lovely cousin :)

and a beautiful cake baked for me.

and not to mention all the dinners i had with different individuals who are so special in their own ways. all the different forms of celebrations just added up to make this occasion so special and heartwarming :)

cupcakes galore!

my virgin cupcake experience



i've finally learnt how to bake cupcakes! from my lovely cousin who took a v good cupcake course and imparted her skills to me! wheeee!

been wanting to learn for the longest time... always so awed by these pretty lil' things which r honestly, abit too pretty to be eaten.

of cos mine's still very amateurish designs.. wanna learn those really nice and wow ones..

but i gotta say, it's soo much fun decorating the cakes! and not to mention, they taste awfully delicious n sinful too. gosh. yumz.

bourbon vanilla cupcakes and valrhona dark chocolate cupcakes.

anyone interested to buy? i'm planning to become a full-time patissier.