Had a reasonably good weekend except for the huge-ass ulcer which took away all the fun from eating, my biggest pleasure =(

We had free gold class tickets so we went to watch harry potter on sat night. It was the first time we tried! The seat was too comfy for my own good... i fell asleep at a few points during the show, lol. love such reclining armchairs and i'm so gonna get one of these in my future home. they gave us blankets too and i reclined almost all the way down so it was more conducive for sleeping than anything else! having said that, i don't understand how anyone would pay $36 to catch a movie on a bed.

Learnt how to play poker today... had such a bad streak of luck that i only hit on one or two rounds =( but i didn't lose much cos i earned back like $30 in one of the rounds! think the boy is so looking forward to poker in macau.. speaking of which, it's 1 week to HONG KONG! my fav land of food and shopping -- before i ever set foot in europe that is, which i'm sure would become my fav someday. i need to plan the itinerary!

need to save lots of money.. lots and lots of money... for vacation, shopping, other stuff. but it's so hard to save up if you don't invest! looking forward to the year end bonus, although half of it will be gone to premiums and the other half possibly xmas shopping n stuff.... but well, better than nothing and i should be thankful that we're even getting =)

i'll prob not get monday blues tmr cos it's 5 more work days to vacation, and the work is a little teeny weeny lesser in the school hols. hot yoga tmr after work!!

nites!

Attended jx and yanling's wedding last night.. it's always a joy to see friends settling down and i'm really happy for jx! It was also wonderful catching up with long lost friends from hall.. ppl like qx and derlyn, whom i dearly miss.

Another wedding in Dec, and many more next year to come. It reminds me that it's more important to choose the right one and be late, than to choose a wrong one now.

I think, when we face challenges and difficulties in life, the issue is never about the challenge itself, because that can be overcome. But what is the most disheartening, and renders me helpless and at a loss, is when a person is unwilling to see it as a difficulty to be worked on.

I've also realised that I'm not afraid of difficulties, at least not as much as I am of being unable to work on it. I'm willing to work on issues, be it in a team or as a pair, but the important thing is that the others want to work on it together as well. And that in itself has become the most challenging part of the task, as one hand can never clap alone.

And it feels almost like a dead end when you're fighting a lone battle. When you're the only advocate for making things better, for the life ahead. When each time you bring it up, defenses are built and fingers are pointed.

And so, I find myself letting go more and more. There's only so much I can do, and sometimes I don't even know what I can do. It's like convincing parents to send their children to special schools. If they're in denial or if they have their own beliefs, you can only present your point and leave it as that, as the decision lies with them at the end of the day.

So with that, I rest my case and end the night.

quiet saturday home. family's more happening than me, and they're all out on their own. mummy went to resorts world to try her luck tonight. our schedules keep clashing nowadays - when i'm finally home on a weekend, she's out.

trying to breathe and take things slowly, one step at a time and think positive. friends are concerned after the last post, i'm really fine.

stayed home also to sort out some IT related stuff. been borrowing hard disks here and there in a feeble attempt to save and restore all my 3 yrs' worth of work stored in my dying office computer, and transferring them to my working macbook, so that i can finally do work in the office from ONE centralized location one day, instead of having to run from terminal to terminal finding files. the problem with using macbook is that not all hard disks are compatible, and i'm not sure how to reformat it.

all things IT-related just somehow screw up in my hands. tried to synchronize the ipad with my macbook too but even this simple task can't be done. ok *breatheeee*

been snapped at by the bf these past 2 days until i just walked off myself to shop at new look just now.. really not in the state to be exploded at or to explode at him. and then i had the worst case of diarrhoea ever. the pain was incredibly dreadful, and there was blood in the stools which got me worried.

anw, trying hard to focus on the good things in life:

- the ipad was found. it's a miracle. long story but we're just happy it's back.

- good food over the weekend.. steamboat, pasta and desserts

- shopping on tuesday, to get myself some make-up to conceal my ageing face

- had good l4d last night

- going to hk in 3 weeks' time.. still nowhere near planning the places to go.. still deciding whether to book tickets for the cirque du soleil show in macau.. any feedback? or should we go hk disneyland?

- nice piano piece i'm learning now..

- successful kite-flying and our kite went very very very high up into the sky. almost a dot but abit bigger than a dot.. maybe a peanut. shall aim for it to be smaller next time.

- finally time to put on a face mask tonight

- finally going to do something about my mob of hair tmr. i'm at my ugliest in 5 years, i swear.

ok.. life's good..... life's still good. as long as i don't think of monday so much. *breathe*

sometimes life just gets u down when lousy stuff keeps happening.. and when i'm down i think of blogging to let it all out... catharsis.

i hate work. it's causing so much unhappiness and stress. but why do i not leave? i feel so stuck, along with others in the workplace. where else can i work? sometimes i hate myself for not having the guts to venture out, try something extreme or find out what's out there.

at the workplace, i don't even have a functioning laptop. it's soooo ridiculously slow, like 10 mins to open a page, and the IT guy diagnosed it SLOW but can't do anything about it and the company can't give me a new laptop. so now i have to use the laptop of someone on maternity. WTF! how do you expect productivity and pile targets and workload on me when i can't even be given a functional laptop?!

today while rushing off for bodycombat class, i forgot to bring some stuff home for my school visit in the morning tmr. which means i have to return to office to grab it early morning, and leave for tampines from there. ARGHH but i only have myself to blame. but i'm so tired of having to plan everyday, what to bring home, what to leave in office etc etc cos of the nature of my job which requires so much travelling.

and i hate some of my school staff.. thinking of them makes my blood boil with bubbles. they seriously think they're being serviced and have the right to take us for granted, not appreciative of all the efforts i've put in, or the kan jiong ones who call me, sms me, email me every now and then non-stop for stupid little things. i helped my school handle a potential parent complaint case and managed to appease the angry parent, but didn't get any words of appreciation from the school and instead, they seem upset at me that now they have to support the child of the parent?! when it's the JOB of the school to support their pupils??? and a school personnel who wrote an email to highlight that i cancelled a school visit with the school and queried how i can make it up to them, cc the P. WTH. i emailed a long email back, attached our past comms and cc back to the P, with good justification of WHY it was so difficult to go down to the school because the school also had such a hard time giving me a free date on their end. and another kan jiong spider school personnel who today "told" me to submit a psych report to them by 19 nov. i told her it's not possible for me to finish writing a full psych report at such last min notice and send it to the school by 19 nov, i'm like a human and not freaking work churning machine. u think i only write psych reports and don't have TONS of other work? what's more the case was never taken by me but i have to write it for my supervisor who's on maternity leave. i've never even met this child!

and then today kai lost his ipad. it's only been a week since he got it and we really loved it so much.

alot of anger and cynicism within me nowadays.

i feel myself being so upset everyday that i feel it's toxic and building up within me like cholesterol. i don't feel like talking to pple and i vent it out through things like eating, going for yoga, shopping online, blogging. i think my ugliest side is being brought out by work and all these stupid things that keep happening. i feel very short-tempered, angry at pple, snap easily nowadays, and i just feel so ugly as a person and so sick of myself. within these 2 days at work i've been so so so frustrated, with the computer and other stuff, that 3 people already asked me why i look so upset, and i didn't even realize that my emotions were showing up so much. i want to feel happy, excited about things, gracious and kind towards pple. but i'm so tired..

haven't found time to sort out basic little things like visiting the dentist for my throbbing toothache which had lasted for weeks, or go for a medical checkup to evaluate some issues bugging me.

and i really dun think i have the right support systems in my life right now.. and sometimes this makes me really upset and helpless too. what do you do when the support systems in your life are also the ISSUES giving you loads of frustration? you basically have nothing to turn to, or nothing constructive to turn to. i don't even like talking to friends about all these things cos no one really want to listen to all these?

yesss this blog post really sounds super negative and if it offends you in any way or makes you feel repulsed, you really don't have to read it. it's MY blog afterall and it's for me to vent my thoughts out so i really don't care what you think.