last week was a bad streak for me and i got pple around me worried.

then i felt much better after a 2 day branch retreat at changi sports club, which surprisingly, was much more fun than expected as it was initially dreaded and cursed at. i learnt so much about myself and my colleagues, and learnt so much in general. it's amazing, this training company and its facilitators, who were really fun-loving n superb at what they do.

we all did a personality test, which i had already done at least 10 years ago and my profile is still the same. but i only fully tried to understand the results of my personality test now. it's amazing how it explains all my little quirks. i'm so high on the feeling-meter that i think my heart can explode anytime. which explains why i'm such a sensitive person, not just within myself but i'm also so sensitive to the feelings of everyone around me and in any situation. i also love to communicate about feelings and i prefer to talk things out to resolve issues about both my own and my closed ones' feelings.

anyway, this lil' activity has gotten me and my colleagues to label one another by our personality profiles, and we gossip about our bosses' profiles and how we'll never become bosses since our profiles are not similar. bosses usually are super high on thinking instead of feeling, which also explains how they can be so inhuman at times. urgh. and it's interesting how my 2 closest colleagues at work got the exact same profile as me. gosh! anyway, my biggest take-away from this is that all of us are different, so we should celebrate differences and embrace ways to overcome our differences =)

i realised i super love to play, no matter what it is. we spent the first day playing board games, which the facilitators tweaked to become a super exciting n competitive thingy, and i super love board games, and we spent the second day playing outdoorsy stuff, which i super love too! amazingly i really liked the second day doing all those kind of activities i think we all used to play at orientation or uni hall days. love working in a group to brainstorm solutions n play stupid things. we spent the afternoon building a water raft made of just barrels, pipes and ropes, and then we launched and sailed on our own rafts and went out to sea!! now that was super super fun and my only complaint was it was too short! i love the sea...

michelle is like going into labour anytime soon and i'm gonna miss her so much.... it's gonna be so different without her around. when she's back in april next yr, i'm not so sure i'll even be around anymore. at the same time i'm really happy for her and so excited to see the baby! the lil' one who has been kicking me whenever i touch the mummy's tummy. i'm around mich so much that i think the baby can recognise my voice too!

my cousin's preggy with twins. gosh i'm super excited too. new additions to the family and i already can't count how many nieces and nephews i have anymore... everyone around me's popping like crazy and i'm getting scared!!

i'm going to remove my peel-off mask now... my complexion is in such a bad shape right now it's frightful to look in the mirror. i was looking at my krabi pictures (which I'll be uploading soon, promise) yesterday and noticed that my complexion was so clear then. i wonder if it's because i was taking vitamin c tabs daily and drinking orange juice every meal when i was there! i'm so going on a vit c diet pretty soon to test it out...... wish me luck!

i pray my cough can finally, finally go away.

will things really change for the better? or will everything fall back into its comfort zone and issues fade into the background again?

i can't get to sleep... been tossing and turning over the past few hours and it's so torturous.

what an irony that i started the day with the first thought in my mind that gawd i feel so tired i'm coming straight home after work to sleep off my sleepiness. even missed watching toy story 3 with colleagues to knock off at 6 plus despite them swearing at me and threatening my life.

but only to end the day not being able to sleep at 3am still?!

dunno how long more before sleep finally beckons me....

i'm so not gonna last the day in the office tomorrow. gawwwwd.......

what do you do when the things u believe in and hold dear to start to seep away from you?

what happens when someone has so many prerogatives, and you're not even allowed to not accept them?

what should you do when someone close to you so obviously does not respect your views and values in life, just because they're not important to him and he does not see your point?

maybe i'm unsure all along but just try so hard to be sure. maybe i'm trying too hard to be someone who's not me and accept things i won't be able to accept.

all i know is that when there are differences, in values, ideals, expectations or whatever, the only thing to do is to communicate and to work things through together. i will and i want to compromise and find common ground to satisfy both parties, if you will. but if you won't, i wouldn't want to be the one to accept and tolerate everything which i can't.

i won't ever want anyone to put down my perspective just because it's not the same as someone who doesn't feel that my perspective is important in life. i won't ever want anyone to impose his prerogatives and his views on me without trying to find middle ground.

i'm utterly exhausted and utterly disappointed.

if we can't make it work after so long and hard

maybe what we can do is live the rest of our life

but not together.

finally home this entire week, hoping to catch my family for father's day dinner, only to find that no one's at home and my dad just went out for a concert.

so i'm home alone on a sunday evening, facing the worst sunday blues ever after a two week respite from work. i'm just feeling so down down down at the prospect of going back to the office tmr. so i've decided to blog. i can't face up to the heap of work.

this whole week, everyday was spent with the boy. went to jb twice for so much food and shopping, played l4d, lotsa sally's spa and feeding frenzy, dinner at al forno's, movies, world cup, pedicure, ikea meatballs, sex and the city serial, and random stuff here and there. i still have not had my desserts at obolo, or my durian buffet at goodwood park.

on the last day of my leave, i.e. friday which just passed, i made a major decision to register for driving. i was sooo happy and relieved that i've finally decided on the place to learn (ubi) and the mode of learning (school). so even though i was scared, i was all for it. until just before registering, i asked him the question, "should i go for manual or auto?" and came the immediate non-hesitant reply of "of course auto!". and the reason given was because no one drives manual anymore. which is true, but when i threw back the question at him, he said he would learn manual if it's him. and he thinks i wouldn't pass anytime soon.

so what is it about men and their driving and women and their non driving?? why is it that women are doomed to fail even before they even register for it? all my life people are telling me i'm gonna fail my driving. i can't deny that laziness was a part of the equation, but it did take me some courage and determination to want to learn as well, and i just wanna learn it so i can bring my mum to places. and it just disheartened me so much that even he doesn't believe in me.. true, i don't deny that i may possibly suck at it and i may even take 7 times to pass or something, but i haven't even tried and people are putting me down? i don't even get the chance? how sad. by saying that i wanna learn manual, i'm NOT saying that i'm good at driving at all! i just want to learn something which can enable me to drive both manual and auto and i hate taking the easy way out in life. i felt so misunderstood by him.

and so, i didn't register for it in the end. this must be the biggest procrastination of my life. i'm just so sick and tired of the procrastination that i feel like procrastinating it even further and pushing it to the furthest end of my brain. i don't wanna think about it for the time being.

i think, men can go ahead and think that their driving skills are so superior, but the fact remains that men are the most reckless drivers around because they're so bloody complacent and arrogant about their driving and they have cost so many lives because of that.

sigh i'm really in one of my foul moods and i dun even feel like blogging about krabi anymore.

my thoughts about relationships are inspired by carrie bradshaw recently. so along her line of thought... what do you do when you're with someone who can't disappoint anyone else but you?

so we'd been to krabi and came back last friday.

the weather was nothing like what the forecast predicted. no thunderstorms, no rain! perfect weather almost all the time, sunny skies and blue clouds. it'd be hard to tell it's monsoon season if not for the strong waves and murky water.

so the weather part was good, except that i couldn't enjoy the fine weather at all. i can only say that though the trip was a good getaway, it could have been so much better and i didn't get my money's worth.

and that's only cos i was so ill throughout the trip, cos everything else was so perfect. still can't quite believe the whole ordeal i went through over there.. it feels really surreal to think about it.

i was sick the week before travelling, but was getting better by the weekend before leaving and was still eagerly drinking lotsa water and herbal teas. by monday night just before flying, i had suddenly developed a nasty flu and felt so groggy by the time we reached the airport at 5am. when we reached there, i know that i was on the road to illness and no return.

we slept the first day over there and by night time, i was running high fever, shivering under the sheets, with severe flu and phlegmy cough. as i'm allergic to paracetamol, kai took a bike ride with the hotel staff to pharmacy to get me some painkillers in other types. i took ibuprofen and suffered a nightmare of drug allergy!!!

within one or two hours my eyes developed the "mosquito bites" bumps all over, but before long, the bumps became bigger, and bigger, and redder and redder, until they all combined and grew a life of their own. within an hour i had goggles for eyes and i looked like a monster, living monster!!! i could hardly open my eyes cos they're so painfully swollen and could hardly bear to look at myself in the mirror. i seriously couldn't recognize myself and there goes photo-taking for the next two days. the swelling took 2 days to disappear fully.

can u imagine suffering a scary drug allergy on the first day of your vacation on a foreign land? i was scared shitless. i never had an allergy so bad before and i didn't know what to do. and this is on top of feeling like shit already from the massive fever and associated headache and body pains and terrible non stop flu and cough. i had so much phlegm in me i was drinking phlegm each time i swallow. i was so cold in the air con room. the next morning i had to go find a doctor in krabi town, 40mins car ride away. the doc couldn't give me this and that due to all my allergies, so there was nothing for my pain and he could only give me some herb pills and vitamin c tabs!

over the next few days of the trip i couldn't taste or smell any of the thai food we had. i couldn't eat all the curries i was craving for and went on this trip for. i had to blow my nose non-stop. couldn't be out for too long or i'd feel drowsy and groggy. must rem to take my medication 3 times a day. super sianz.

even now, 4 days after the trip, i'm still having the flu and cough. my phlegm is just neverending. on the plane back i actually blew out a whole bag of phlegm through my nose.

but despite these setbacks i still enjoyed myself. the resort was fantastic... too bad i couldn't enjoy pool access thoroughly but kai did i suppose. the bed was so shiok to be in... i even loved the bathroom. renting a bike was also fun as we could travel out anytime we wanted. the worst i felt is towards kai as i feel like he couldn't enjoy himself fully because of me. but i'm so thankful that he was there for me and didn't desert me there when i was dying!

in fact we loved the resort and the place so much we're thinking of going back there again..

pictures post next up..

i feel worse today than i felt yesterday... slept throughout the day and feel so numb and groggy.

went to see the doc again to get more medication, mc and to tell him about my (possible) drug allergy. he's referring me to go for further testing at national skin centre. but it's very likely that i'm allergic to paracetamol, or panadol. and it can be lethal. i can't believe it... i can't take panadol for life??!?! how am i gonna survive through my years of period pain??!

it just seems that one thing bad is happening after another...

really feel so sad now. it seems as if everything's happening to prevent me from having a good trip.

firstly, we can't go to bangkok and hua hin cos of the stupid strikes, and i've looked forward to this for such a long time!!

secondly, we booked krabi as a last resort, in a rush, and realised that it's monsoon season there. what's the point of going to a nice beach place when it's thunderstorm everyday?!

thirdly, i'm now sick and my throat is hurting so much it's at the brink of erupting into ulcers like 10 years ago.. that will take weeks to heal if it does! the doc said my throat infection is worse than on tues. that's after downing so much water and lozenges! i doubt i'll recover in time for the trip... i don't wanna go there with a bad throat and won't enjoy myself..

then, i also found out yesterday that the air tickets price dropped by like half of what we paid. it's now 200+, instead of the exorbitant 400+ that we paid. to go krabi?! we paid 400+ for air tickets alone??

i'm damn sianz... if this is not ultimate suayness, really what is? sigh but then it can be really all my fault afterall.....

not looking forward to my pile of work tmr... my colleagues already calling me since 8am to settle work stuff. so sianz to be on mc and thinking of work but yet u really wanna rest and get well for the trip. tmr must pia finish everything!!

I'm sick on mc today =((( haven't fallen ill for about 2 years and now i'm finally down... must be the crazy erratic weather.

the doc who saw me last night was down with a flu.. he was sneezing away and he didn't wear a mask!! gawd... how unprofessional is that??! and the clinic is supposed to be a well established medical group! after i went home i started developing flu-like symptoms as well.. but luckily it didn't become really bad and now i only have abit of mucus. gosh.. funnily the doctor gave me flu pills mistakenly... i guess he must have expected me to get the flu from him??!

anw i'm super numb and giddy now. joints are aching. but it's torturous to lie in bed not being able to sleep cos they're doing all sorts of things at the park and it's damn noisy. my throat hurts so madly crazily that i can't really swallow, even talking is a challenge because my throat is so inflammed. i'm just hoping that it doesn't turn out like what happened to me in Sec 4 prelims when my throat became so inflammed that big ulcers and pus developed all round my throat.. now that was hell pain. the worst kind of pain in my entire life which i never ever want to relive. my doc suspected i had leukaemia and sent me to sgh a&e immediately! i couldn't even swallow my meds at that time. so i'm being a really good girl now and downing lots of water and lozenges, including my dad's chrysanthemum tea!

now i didn't really go on mc in peace.. supposed to be my busy few days at work with lotsa data coming in. was already ill yesterday but had to hang in there because no one else to cover my work. but i really couldn't take it last night so had to see doc already. went in to office at 10pm to send my stuff to colleagues to help me cover. today my phone still on standby and they're already contacting me with some issues. sigh.

anyway, apparently i'm allergic to some drugs and i didn't know it. last night after i took some meds, a few red bumps appeared all around my eyes. by late night when i went to bed there were 2 rather big bumps just beneath my eyes and one on my eyelid. they looked like mosquito bites but kai swore they are caused by allergy cos he had them before. now i'm rather scared to take my meds leh. never occurred to me before and i wonder if there's other side effects. i rem these bumps around my eyes before and i always thought they are mosquito bites! the only meds i take when i'm not sick is panadol... so could i be allergic to paracetamol??! sianz.

hope i'm ok enough to go to work tmr and ok in time for my trip next week! dun wanna be sick over there...