The year past and the year ahead

X'mas was a heartwarming affair at my big aunt's place. It was sweet of her and mummy to prepare so much food for so many guests. I love my aunt, and I miss her alot nowadays.. Nice meeting my newborn baby niece for the first time and cuddling her in my arms... she was like a little cute mouse! And dinner with Kai's family was nice too.. though we waited 2 hrs for the crabs =)

The family has got rooms at Merchant Court tomorrow, and we're getting to see fireworks!! *excited*

How i love half-days. Esp after a Thursday like today, a mad whirl of rush again. A prelude to the new year of WORK. Did a presentation today, went quite smooth. Just relieved it's over.. but I've done so many this year I'm getting used to it. I'm still in a holiday mood and soooo reluctant to move forward, stuck in an inertia and hate the fact that work is pouring in. Same two teams, more projects, more schools, and we're adding service quality standards to our work. They're gonna track how much time we spend in school, on each assessment and consultation, how fast we complete each case or respond to schools' requests...can u believe it?! ARGH

But before ALL of that, I'm gonna have my weekend, short as it is.

2010 hadn't been really good to me..

Fell sick umpteen times this year, health condition was really poor. Worst case of cough! Some other health issues too which haven't really been settled, dragging on to next year where I hope they may turn for the better? Fingers crossed, i'm praying. Terrible year of work, work and work. Was upset and stressed, though at times I've also learnt to let go. Ups and downs in my personal relationships. I think there's other stuff but my mind has effectively blocked them out.

Of cos, there were the good times as well. A few short trips this year to unwind.. though my male colleague would make fun of me mercilessly, about my Batam/Bintan trips while he goes to Belgium, and while I go to places like Malacca/Macau he goes to Mexico, and I go to Hong Kong while he goes to Hellas (greek word for Greece). Arghhh i swear my colleagues are all damn rich! But i'm contented with what I had. Things were more stable this year too, and I spent several precious weekends. I enjoyed picking up yoga/body combat too!

Looking ahead to 2011, i'm a little afraid...

I fear turning 27. I really can't imagine inching towards the big 3 so so closely.. Sometimes I jolt up in the middle of the night, with sudden realization that I'm 26.5, and fear grips me. I admit I'm really afraid of growing up and turning old -- not that I fear the age alone -- but I fear that my mental and emotional age is unable to catch up with my chronological age, and I fear that life is passing me by so quickly, and I'm unable to catch up with the milestones that years ago, I thought I would have attained/would be attaining by now/soon. I fear being unable to do anything about my career and find something that I really wanna do and really like, and before I know it, I'll be middle aged. OMG. I swear I feel more like I'm 23 or 24 right now, and I feel as if given my life situation/current milestones, that's the age I'm living in.

it's a scary feeling indeed. but yet, i look forward to 2011, with a (slight) thirst to embrace certain things in a wistful way. I hope that I'll be able to figure out my life in the coming year. And that really about sums up everything.

I saw a friend's pictures on facebook, a gd friend whom I've lost touch with years ago. Her face was a picture of pure happiness and joy, untainted. I rem her as someone who's always smiling and laughing off everything. Her happiness is infectious, even through a picture. It fascinates me, how one can be blessed with such goodness and joy.

I wish for such happiness, and I think everyone deserves and can have it, if they can love a bit more, and allow themselves to be loved a bit more.

last friday we brought ethan to marina bay sands, cos he loves being by the river. he was so cute and happy that day.. smiling at us, shaking our hands and laughing at xmas lights.

i think i seldom get to spend time with ethan and my big aunt.. so i truly cherish that rare day out with them.

sometimes it's heartbreaking to see my aunt growing old, and being kept so tired by the kids..

if there's anyone else i love other than my parents, it would be my aunt. she raised me up when i was young, and was a mother in my eyes. i could remember her feeding me porridge by the spoonful, and i wasn't an easy baby to feed at all! i would puke all the veg out, and i would take like 1 or 2 hrs to finish up my food.

my aunt didn't have an easy life.. i rem she lived frugally to raise up her 3 kids, my cousins. there's a particular memory i have of my aunt, which pains me very much. i was very young then, probably 4.. i was staying with her in malaysia. she had been looking around to take care of babies for some time, to earn some income. one day, she received a call from a neighbour, who was referring someone with a newborn and would like to look for a nanny. i remember that for that afternoon, she held my hand and we walked down several streets, terrace after terrace of houses, to look for that lady's house. we never found it. and we walked home, downcast.

at that very young age, i understood my aunt's frugality and pains. whenever the lorry with groceries and meat came round our house, i would ask my aunt's mother-in-law to pay for the meat, in teochew. i refused to let my aunt pay for anything.

then there were those times when she brought me to see the doctor, or the dentist, on the bus. and at night, together with her, i would prepare the bed for my little cousin. I had to lay pieces of plastic sheets all over his mattress, as he still peed at night.

now that my aunt's children have all grown up, she has to take care of my cousin's kids. ethan has autism and it really isn't easy taking care of him at all... he can't speak at all and would hit himself when in pain. so my aunt's life hasn't been easy even at this age when she should be enjoying life..

feel so emo suddenly..

i spent a good sunday with mummy today too.. we went to look for curtain fabrics.

it was a good family+kai weekend.... =)

I was at such a romantic, dreamy, near-perfect wedding last night.

The venue was held at Capella in Sentosa, a quiet colonial style hotel atop a gentle hill. It was surrounded by lush greenery. The interior -- soft orange lighting, high wooden doors and ceiling, beautiful walls and victorian rose stands. The two video monitors were so sharp and vivid, unlike many blurred flimsy screens I've seen at other weddings.

The bride's gown was almost perfect.. it was light and fluffy with soft flutters.. simple, classy and nothing elaborate. the only thing to pick on is perhaps that the train was a little too short in my opinion.

A band was singing love songs throughout the night -- and their singing was actually good and helped to set the atmosphere right. just simple classic tunes, nothing cheesy..

And most importantly, what made the wedding so memorable was the love that came through and swept through the hall so obviously.. the way the couple gazed at each other, the way they kissed naturally without any discomfort and uneasiness, the very meaningful and sincere speeches that made so many tear at various points. And how so many people could provide testimonials to their deep bond and so obviously share their joy. This is one of those marriages which I'm sure would last a lifetime.. the respect and commitment for each other was so easily witnessed in the couple.. and I'm so happy for her, who is a very sweet girl indeed.

The wedding was also very well organized and planned. I was surprised when there were like about 8 ushers waiting for guests at the entrance of Capella when Kai dropped me off.. and a lady even walked me down the hall. Emcees were eloquent in both English and Mandarin -- again a very rare encounter. Guests were all well dressed, guys all came in suits, and many ladies in gowns or long dresses. I felt so under-dressed.. =( Overall, it was an unhurried affair and everyone actually looked happy on a sunday night.

Gosh this is like a dream wedding for many girls, but most of us can only be wistful, given the bomb it would cost to host it like this.

Just back from HK on Sat night.. too much to say, will blog another time. In a nutshell, it was a fantabulous trip and i wish i never came back.... =(