back to the office.. boohoo

my leave is over and i'm back in the dreary office.. there's like 5 pple around..

my two lesbos are not here (they're in bangkok right now and just texted me while they're brushing their teeth and they bought me fake rayban shades) and i'm lonely as hell.

had 6 days off work (counting in weekend n public hol) but i feel like i haven't even accomplished anything i wanted to..

zilch rest time at home, books left untouched, not a single moment with the mum, no xmas tree watsoever, not enough sleep as again, and lotsa time spent being depressed, definitely.

totally spent my off days on things better left unsaid. sigh. things i shoulda known better, and shouldn't have even ventured out to begin with. now i'm just suffering from the repercussions of it, and in a very hopeless attempt can only try to squeeze it outta my memory.

on a brighter note, i'm glad i had time to catch up with my friends over the past few days.. drinks on wed night was good... got us talking bout all our issues in life n just pouring out wateva.. liangming made us laugh with his positively vibrating jokes as usual (i know u're reading this!).. glad jin joined us this time.. and hope lissie's feeling betta? and somehow there's something more spiritual about this session.. maybe it's the knowledge that i'm being kept in prayers.

yest was spent shopping (again) but at least this time i managed to get most of my prezzies.. not all but still most. can't say it was v good cos i vaguely rem walking around like a zombie.. utterly feeling numb and depressed, but not being able to show it at all.. and still had to just continue looking around for the right gifts. present shopping used to be such a fun thing to do becos of the thought of sharing, but now i'm just trying to relish in wateva remaining hope n happiness left in giving the prezzies away on xmas.

it's time to get back to work.. sighh.. i do like my job really... but dec has just been boring in the office.. and wat with feeling miserable bout other things n having to work during the festive holidays just killed the mood.. and now i've this big pile of work to do (the part of work which i dun enjoy as much).

straight after xmas work is gonna get heated up.. my schedule from 26 dec all the way to 30 jan is all lined up and not a single day is free... the entire jan we're attending trainings everyday.. and conducting workshops for schools at the same time.. i'm anticipating but i'm afraid as well.. afraid of wat's to come, whether i can cope and learn fast enough, and the challenges ahead.. 5 mths into the job and there's still so much to learn, so many things i've yet to be trained in.. i'm feeling feverish just thinking bout it, but oh well, i think i do anticipate wat's to come afterall, the chance to learn, and i'm sure time flies by when i'm occupied, unlike dec days.

looking forward to our sleepover party tonight! though my eyes feel so tired and soggy at this time already, and i can really do with a good sleep.. do hope i won't fall asleep on the cartoons too early.. heh.. xmas party on sunday too.. gotta help with the cooking boohoo.. just feeling so plain lazy and wish my only job is eating. heehee.

ok work work work.. soon i'll be able to see yuan for lunch.. heh

all i want for christmas...

all i want for christmas is not you, definitely. i'm greedier than that.

each year i get so hopeful when xmas comes round the corner, hoping that i'd get that bit of a magical xmas like how it used to feel during childhood. but somehow, over the years, xmas has just lost that magic on me, though the heart still pines for it.

i think the whole thing to xmas gotta be built up over the weeks and days just before the big day. all the anticipation, planning, shopping for pressies, setting up the tree, writing cards, wishing.... it helps that my mummy's bday is on xmas day, my fav person in the world, on my fav day of the year.

the xmas magic can't do without pressies of cos, and other than feeling joy in giving, i gotta admit that there r lotsa things on my wishlist and i secretly hope that santa really exists after all and would dump them down my chimney (ok fine, into my bedroom window will do):

1. help me get started on my xmas tree (the last time was eight years ago)

2. keep my loved ones safe and happy

3. give me a big fat xmas bonus (ha ha)

4. stardust book and dvd

5. a nice logcake for the mum

6. lovely xmas songs on a cd

7. good health, better brains (can u throw this thru the window?)

8. ok this is stretching it abit... but by any chance can i also have a Gucci please?? else, a multi-coloured striped signature Coach tote would do too?? (still can't shed my bimbotic-ness, sorry)

9. heartfelt xmas cards from friends -- with handwritten messages

10. lovely dinners with family and friends coupled with good conversations and desserts

11. xmas morning cartoons!

12. home baked xmas cookies with the mum

13. a lovely birthday for mummy

14. a white xmas. yeaa... right.


am feeling really hopeful now, crossing my fingers! i've been a really good gal for most part of the year santa, hee. except for certain times. pls dun leave out any of these if u really exist alright?

xmas is coming.. i can just feel the magic coming my way.

have yourself a merry little xmas, ya'll.

sick to the bones

I’ve been sick so often on this job, I’m sick of being sick.

Ever since I started work, I’ve lost my voice, had fever, flu, cough, throat inflammations, diarrhoeas, huge ulcers, eye stye, wisdom toothache, and now I have this horrid throat inflammation (which I suspect is from my RO during work review) that’s totally killing me. The extra strong numbing lozenges I bought from the pharmacy just now at freaking $12.95 doesn’t even help to ease the pain.. The feeling is all too familiar.. the usual tell tale signs of my impending sickness coming soon..

I’m feeling so sick and woozy in the office now… headache, fever, drowsiness…. And the gloomy rain outside is not helping things… the office is freezing cold.. I have cold feet and hands… numb painful bones too. I feel so horrid I can’t write my reports.. can’t think, can’t move much.. even typing is a chore.. but yet I must while away 2 more hours before I can go home. I dun even know how I’m going to go home in this rain.. yet I can’t cab home… no more money left from my pay.. can’t see doc too! And not to mention, I’ve already taken 2 mcs recently so I shan’t take anymore…thank gawd it’s fri.. but I can’t believe I’m gonna spend my fri night staying in bed afterall. shucks.

Sobs.. really feeling so horrid… so so horrid…yet there’s no one I can turn to right now.. this blog is like my only salvage for now.. how can I live through 2 hours?!! Brrr.. I’m in pain sia.. all I want is my bed, pillows, blankie, ali, a warm towel and some medicine to soothe the pain. sighhhh