i can't wait to get my hands on this bobbi brown make-up palette!!

it has everything i really need and want now... a good blusher(s) (gosh, all my blusher containers' lids have dropped off!), good and lasting lip gloss (my friends swear by bobby brown lip glosses), nice shades of eyeshadows, and an eyeliner. pretty much on-the-go! was quite surprised to see that it's only retailing at $75. that's like... around the cost of my chanel sunblock and just abit more than my lancome lipgloss??!

this is the cover...

the inside...

i'm so gonna get it after the bobbi brown workshop on wed =)

strangely relaxing sunday. it feels almost therapeutic to catch up with little silly things like uploading ALL my photos, organizing them finally, smiling at family shots, upgrading my iphone software FINALLY (yippee!! my itunes actually started up on its own this time), having a simple meal at home in the presence of my family, doing lots of online shopping and selling, all these whilst listening to oldies.

i'm now going to read a book on the bed and eat the snickers my friend gave me... couldn't bear to eat it and she said i'm so silly and she'll buy me more next time! i'm just lacking a nice cup of hot tea in a rose teacup. really want to own a nice set next time.

the morning after a good sleep last night, felt good and not so good at the same time.

we're two persons, of worlds apart.

trying very hard, too hard maybe, to be together.

we've tried for 3 years, to change things, improve ourselves, learn from lessons, be a better partner. but we are who we are, sometimes there's just no right or wrong.

and i find it so hard, to love everything about you, and love everything and everybody in your life, cos there's just so many of them.

and if love means giving up my life, who i am, to fit myself into your life, and everything and everybody in your life, to be waiting all the time, then i would rather not.

and i would think that if love means all the above mentioned on my part, then maybe there's no love on your part for me.

maybe i'm still selfish, or maybe i still don't love enough. but i have given alot. and this is the most i can give, and i have tried too hard and long. too too much.

and lately i've been thinking, some things just cannot be forced. if it's not meant to be, i can't make it be.

if unhappiness, uncertainty and bitterness still cloud over us, is it time to let go after so long?

the feeling is bittersweet. but i do not want bittersweet, i want sweetness. i'm willing to give everything to make things better, but i'm already by far convinced that this is all on my part only. and so i do not want anymore.

lots of wishful thinking. really, on my part. wistful, hopeful, a silly little girl with tiny dreams. but now i'm almost ready to surrender, lacking that bit of courage as again.

what can i do?

Say hello to the world!

It was a moment of joy for the family today as we met our new additions - my baby niece and nephew twins!!

Contrary to popular guesses within the family of who might come out first, the one who beat the other to it was our big sister, weighing 2.1kg, in what i think was the best captured pose of entering the world -- arms flailing in excitement/trepidation, face cringed in horror, legs outstretched -- this girl sure knows what she's getting herself into!

Then came our little brother... ironically the bigger and stronger one at 2.6kg. A certain measure of fiery there too, I suppose. Well, it's the family of four tigers! Quite bloody cos it was a caesarean birth... wait till you look at pictures of my cousin's naval. According to accounts from mr. cousin, blood was spurting out! Gawddd.

The two babies are sweet and sound. So cute and angelic... i heart. Sleeping side by side, sister and brother, inseparable before birth, inseparable at birth, and hopefully for the rest of their lives to come.

The wonder of new lives never cease to amaze me. The beauty of life and the love of mothers to be able to go through so much pain, is simply amazing. I've always loved babies, that pure, innocent state of being, created by their parents' love and nothing else. It makes me feel like there is so much to give, so much to look forward to in a whole new life to come.

I asked my cousin whether she was scared before entering the operating theatre. She said she wasn't at all, cos there's nothing to be scared about since she's going to go through it anyway. She even went for supper last night! I seriously salute her and admire her courage. Maybe love pulls you through everything.

It's gonna be so wonderful having twins in the family!! Other than the fact that I have to buy everything in twos that is... but I'm just sooo looking forward to playing with them, carrying them in turns and stuff. Watching them grow up even... gosh I'm so auntie-ish. But I've always been close to my cousin and have waited soooo long for these babies to arrive, I can't contain my excitement =)

But gone will be the days when we go for Sunday shopping with the mums, or go for a short trip somewhere, or have tea in the afternoons... somehow, i feel a tinge of guilty sadness, that my cousin won't be my cousin alone anymore, she will be a mother WITH two kids all the time! And now, I feel regret over the times I turned her down for Sunday shopping due to other commitments... We'll no longer have those times again. But I think what I can look forward to is a different kind of joy, such as spending time with the babies at her place. =)

We lived tog when I was young and kind of grew up tog... she took care of me and acted like my big sister cos she's much older than me.. I just seriously can't get used to her being tied down to a family. But still, I'm enormously happy for her and hubby, who's been trying for babies for such a long time and had to go thru much pains to get their wish. It's so good for them that this is happening!

I love them so much, already =))

I haven't seen my parents this whole week... cos each day i leave home at 7am+ when mummy's still sleeping and dad's out jogging/marketing, and come home at 11, 12 at night when they've gone to bed. Feel a bit guilty, as if I'm treating the house like a hotel at times.

Increasingly these few months, I cease to see them for full weeks consecutively, since I'm seldom home on weekends too. We've stopped really having meals tog, save for occasions/festives. Sometimes I feel like i'm a terrible daughter.. and I don't know how to make up for it. =( And it's real ironic that I actually miss them right now, though they're sleeping in the next room, just behind the wall I'm facing.

I still wanna go for that family trip I've been thinking of.. but I don't know how to make it work and come true.

At times my mum will exclaim, daughters are never really yours, they'll become someone else's one day. And sometimes it feels a little sad... I never want to leave their side.

The rocky horror show was great... fun, sexy and hilarious. shall i add, real sexy with an oomph! been a long while since i've caught a play/musical and i miss these, really. still can rem corinne may's xmas concert fresh in my head, which was fantastic.. phantom of the opera from years ago, and the locally produced ones like dim sum dollies and beauty world.. all so long ago!!

Just went to catch a comedy thriller.. it turned out to be quite scary, so I came home a bit scared. Each night, the thing i dread doing most is to turn off the lights, esp those in the living room cos the windows are facing the vast, dark park... brr.

I'm dreading a lot of things right now.. dunno why but having a major emo episode all of a sudden and don't feel like turning in. another day of work tmr, then l4D at night with colleagues.

Jan is the month of decision makings.. and sometimes you feel like you're neither here nor there.