bedtime story

just a lil' bedtime story before i nap.

today at history n systems of psychology class, prof elliot asked us if we could choose any 3 A'level subjects to take in preparation of a psychology course in university, which would it be?

ok the general concensus is biology and maths c, which r self-explanatory, so the more debated is the last one..

popular options r econs n lit. econs i'm not sure why, lit maybe cos it's bout pple? dunno. history also popped up in the discussion, but sadly it was eliminated. hmm why i say sadly? kk before i go on... prof was asking if anyone took history at a' levels. i'm the kind who dun bother to raise up my hand so there was only one other gal who did so, and she happened to be from my jc history class too. so she said, history at a' levels din cover anything bout psychology (which is true) and so it didn't help her in studying psychology in uni.

hmm i dunno y but i felt soooo defensive of history at that point. cos to me, it's not a matter of contents, but it's really a matter of the skills n techniques that u carry away from learning a subject, and subsequently applying them to other stuff that u learn/study. to me, my a'level history was really the best thing i've ever studied in my life, arguably, simply because it taught me so many useful skills like being able to critique, judge various sources of arguments, writing skills n so much more. i think our history teachers were really good at inculcating these in us. we went thru lotsa torture but i think in the end it was so worth it.

my point is, i went on using these skills i learnt n applied them to so many of my modules in uni, whether they are content-relevant or not. they've helped me much in scoring certain grades and in my perspectives of things n such. so yes, to me, history at a'levels helped me so much in studying psychology, and many other areas as well. but not econs, not maths. at least not as much la.

i beg to differ that just cos something that u've learnt before is content-irrelevant to what u're learning now, then that subject of the past is no longer useful.

okie, i've said my piece, and i think i can get a good night's sleep now. :)

random stuff

okie, so i've officially S/Ued. and my new cap-to-reach is 4.625. i declare this goal too impossible to reach and am half contemplating to drop the idea. will see how.

just now in the library, somebody brought supper up to eat. it's quite common practice in recent semesters wat with uncle vincent starting to sell delicious suppers in the comm hall some few sems ago, but i still hate it cos it stinks up the place n worse still, it makes my stomach rumble like mad. brr. the nuggets/fries wateva smelled so nice can... so i had to get away from the library n type this post. anyway today (monday) is chicken wing day, and i hate it when i miss chicken wing days. looking forward to the next time i can devour 2 or 3 of those wings.

am feeling really grumpy now cos of a stupid mistake i made earlier on. to cut things short let's just say i kinda like paid 32 freakin bucks to someone anonymous due to an insane impulsive online shopping attack of mine again. err not that there's really anything wrong with this (if i get the products i ordered, that is), but thing is something suddenly went wrong (after i transferred the money over) and now i'm not so sure my transaction is gonna be processed anymore. so i emailed this anonymous someone but she hasn't replied me watsoever even though my email sounded positively panicked (and i know she was online after i sent the email). gosh. 32 bucks is quite a fair sum to me (translates to 1.5 pair of heels at mondo or bout 64 quickpicks). dun wanna sound too desperate but i think i was utterly silly for not making sure of things first. it's like.. just a click and off flies 32 bucks, to goodness i dun even know who. *heartbreaks*

i'm sorry to thong who was nagging at me when i was ordering n i ignored him n continued happily surfing around. sigh.

anyways oscar's results r out n none of the pple i rooted for won. bah. and the only films that i've watched and won something are happy feet and pan's labyrinth. can't believe it. 2 films?? is my taste that bad when it comes to choosing films to watch.. baaah. i'm sad that little children din win anything. my kind of film.

so now my list of films to watch has expanded to include:
-the queen (social psych prof told us it's nice but i din heed)
-little miss sunshine (i positively wanted to watch this until i saw the description)
-the departed (everyone says infernal affairs is a better make so i din bother)
-marie antoinette (history film!)
-the inconvenient truth (err.. wat's it about huh?)

anyone who has these vcds/dvds (plus the previous list's) pls feel free to lend. i promise i take good care of other pple's things. hehe. or we can always have a dvd marathon day! err after busy period la. go rent or something. i can open up my house. whee.

to s/u or not to?

yes yes, i should stop blogging. but i'm just reminded of my S/U thingy, which i'm really so troubled with n need some advice. shld i S/U intro to cybercrime?? the deadline's monday!!

basically i have 2 options:
1) don't S/U
pros
-need to obtain a lower cap (4.5) to achieve second upper. tall order but still lower than the other option nonetheless.
-workload more spread out
cons
-i'm not gonna score anywhere near an A- for this mod
-i've been lost in every single lecture, know nuts bout wat's going on
-if i get a B (which is highly likely, at best), it'll already screw up my plan
-the 50% test is coming wed, but i haven't started

2) S/U
pros
-i can leave out one module, and pool all my resources into concentrating on the other 4 modules
-more likely for my remaining 4 psych modules to score A, though also difficult
cons
-i will need a 4.6 to achieve second upper
-each remaining module takes up a higher percentage of the cap, hence i must do well in every single one
-need average of A, A-

i've half a mind to S/U already, since it totally seems like i really dun grasp the module at all and think i can at best get a B/B+. computing stuff is just beyond me. but this is like a life n death situation as it can affect my final cap greatly, so i dun wanna make the decision rashly.. any kind folk has any opinion/advice??

also, i used the cap calculator on the nus website to calculate wat's the cap i need this sem. but it kinda differs from my own calculation, though i'm pretty sure i din do it wrongly. intuition tells me i shld trust the cap calculator, but i really wanna be sure. it can't go wrong right?? anyone knows plspls tell me too.

i'm so confused now.

it's saturday evening and i'm one of the lonely souls around in hall, trying to study. even thong has gone home to celebrate his granny's bday. am supposed to be at my cuz's house baking cakes n cookies, but really, i'm choosing to mug over spending some good quality time with the folks.

i dunno why i've been blogging so much. i've been really distracted these few days while studying.. distraction has always been my thing, which is why i take so much longer to read my stuff. but even so, i dun recall being distracted to such an extent before. can't seem to concentrate on anything for long, and always thinking bout stuff.. issues in life and all. wanna blog bout these things some time.. to help put things in clearer perspective, or just for want of an outlet of expression. but right now i just dun have the time to reflect and ponder so much..

anyway my days now typically consist of eating, sleeping, studying, blogging and bathing. monotonous. maybe only sprinkled by some doses of meals outside and movies on the laptop. for which i'm thankful at least. and with which i embrace so enthusiastically as a form of escapism .

hmm, right now i'm utterly bored by the stats i'm reading in my textbook.. everyone who knows me know i hate stats n all things numerical. but it's something i can't avoid while studying psych. it doesn't stop at the 2 stats modules we had to take.. in fact all psych modules have stats.. some less some alot.. afterall we need stats to interpret all the results n implications, and for every module we gotta read lots and lotsa journals written by psychologists themselves.. which consist of the stats reports of the studies. almost all our core readings are such journals n reports.. piles and piles of them...harvard, cambridge, stanford.. any uni conceivable. most of the time i hate these readings. i'm utterly lost. at best i'm really numb. and i've still no idea why psychology is an arts subject. feel so cheated. it's a science in every other single uni. and also a science in every way i try to look at it.

oh my i sound so depressed.. ok talk bout something funny. that day ceci n i went to the big book shop at clementi, and that gal bought 10 pens (of all shapes, colours and sizes). haha. i'm suddenly reminded of this lecture some years back.. when the lecturer was saying something bout freudian theory.. so according to freud, things which are long n thin are phallic (sexual) symbols for gals. which of cos, all the gals poo-poohed at. then this guy in front of me was telling his friend, no wonder all the gals' pencil cases so big and full of pens. wat the..... anyway now we know why ceci bought 10 pens and i bought 3. wahaha.

okie i've many tests n other stuff coming up:
-intro to cybercrime 50%
-psychological assessment 20%
-social psychology 25%
-human psychophysiology 30%
-psychological assessment presentation 20%

and another string after this string.

the oscar's is coming up next mon.. and i haven't watch so many shows.. brrr. here's the list of shows i wanna/wish i can watch:
-dreamgirls
-babel
-the fountain
-letters to iwo jima
-miss potter
-paris, je t'aime
-ghost rider (but it's only cos of nicholas cage)

seems longer than my list of midterms.

of the shows/actors/actresses nominated i've watched little children n notes on a scandal. which are both quite good. am rooting for judi dench from notes on a scandal for best actress. but then i've not watched alot so can't really judge. but gotta say she's good. she acted so well it made u detest/psychologically fear her in the show. (edit: am also rooting for cate blanchett for best supporting! i think she was damn sexy in an x-factorish way...) the storyline of little children is good... hope the pedophile wins best supporting.

am so braindead now that i can't come up with any better vocab to describe things... so ciaos.

all spiced up

i hate blogger!! i was going to finish typing my post already but was suddenly disconnected.. tried saving it but couldn't. blah!!!

anyway yeah i'm really supposed to be studying and not food blogging, but just a quick one!

we were discussing dinner plans while studying earlier on (it seems like the more we study, the more we wanna find good food to compensate), when thong suggested eating at this lil' indian eatery called karu's curry or something along bukit timah, near the rail mall. apparently they serve pretty good curry fish head. so being the indian food lovers that we are, of cos we headed down.

and the food, yeah they're goooood.... thick gravies n curries simply work for me..

the dishes we ordered, clockwise from top left corner: fried fish, masala chicken, potato balls, curry sotong, curry mutton.

i know everything looks kinda mashy gooey lumpy (and they tasted this way too), but they taste heavenly.. love those thick spicy aromatic flavours.. gosh.. the way the curries work on ur taste buds.. u can put them on ur rice, meat, keropok, and basically anything...
can i tell u how much i love masala dishes??

this indian cracker (or wateva they're called.. they're served in all indian meals) is the mother of all indian crackers.. it's the best i've ever tasted in indian meals! crispy n not too salty. tastes great when u dip into the gravies n curries.. i think we can ask for as many as we want though they give 2 at the start. thong ate 4 and i ate 3. and this picture shows only half a cracker. yums.

commit this addy to ur memory. cheap n good indian food!!

altogether we paid $22.. which is pretty decent.. the dishes are mostly like $3, $4.. actually we ordered a tad too much, but we wanted more variety la hehe.. would think our food is enough for 3 persons just nice. we din order curry fishhead cos it costs $20 for the smallest n that's too big for 2 persons. anyway i'm no big fan of fishes.

alright, end of food adventure, back to muggin. boohooo.

of new year, and more

the sweetest thing bout this chinese new year must be seeing my parents talk, for the first time, since i can't remember how long ago. one year i think.

yea.. it's just something ongoing between my parents.. talking for a short while, then not talking for years. it's been this way since pri school. kinda used to it, but it's still great to see them acting like a normal couple once in awhile. i know it's not gonna last for long. perhaps the next time i go home they'll be at cold war again, but i'm just so thankful i had that 5 days of bliss at home. yeah.. wat must be seemingly so normal n taken for granted by others is a big blessing to me, just seeing my parents talk. this chinese new yr must be the best i've ever had. i wish i could stay home longer.

that aside, i must say i had a really great cny in many other aspects. perhaps it's a great break for me from school... going home for a long getaway, and getting to eat good food! being cooped up in hall eating school/hall food day in day out makes u miss eating home-cooked goodness like crazy. and wat's more, cny delicacies! oooh.. love those new year goodies n the stuff my mum whipped up... the two highlights are my fav abalone n lobster!!



slurps.. think juicy succulent seafood.. the pictures will probably serve as torturous reminders of the tastes i wont be getting to eat till next yr. boohoo... mummy melted cheese over the lobsters by baking them.. and also added some of the meat and abalone to her sweet porridge. sighh.

ok la i'm not such a piggy la.. cny is great not just cos of the food. wahaha. it was really nice catching up with relatives too, especially my beloved nephews n lil' cousins. love them so much!!

ain't she a darling? the littlest cousin on my mummy's side, the one we all dote on the most. haha she's a really naughty n clever gal (oops abit like yours truly eh? *blushes*).. look at her putting the pomelo skin over her head.. haha.. and she was giggling the whole time she did that. oh and not to mention she put it on my head too. bleh. love her to bits!

my little nephews came to her house too. they're so cute n sweet as usual. but i'm so saddened to see that ethan (who has autism) seemed to have no improvement despite treatment n all... he's very afraid of new environments n pple.. so he was crying that day, hitting himself, squirming n running away.. sigh. my heart really breaks to see him like this.. and also to see his grandma (my beloved aunt) and his parents having such a hard time taking care of him, on top of the agony they must be facing. he looks normal and everything.. in fact he's so cute u wouldn't think anything's wrong with him. autism is a silent killer, and it's on the rise. anyway, jarrel, his elder bro, just started p1 and is starting to wear glasses. haha. we played computer games together.. he's such a sweet n bright boy.. i think it must be hard for him too, growing up with a younger bro who can't seem to respond to him or play with him... he must know something's wrong, but prob can't put a finger to it..

oh well.. i'm glad cny was so memorable.. love catching up with family n relatives.. to me, they always rank top in my life, and my priority always goes to them when spending time together.. esp my mum.. i know she's lonely at home when we're out.. studying or working.. so lots of time i'd rather forego going out with friends n spend time with her instead. i dun understand why some of my older cousins have stopped visiting during cny... they always seem to be gg out with friends during cny or something. isn't cny bout the only time when everyone can gather? anyway cny reminds me that the years are flying past, n my parents, grandparents n relatives r gettin old.. i just feel so saddened to know that years down the road, i'm not gonna see some of them anymore, and that things won't be the same anymore.. which is also why i'm treasuring wat i have now so much.

okie.. my 5 day break is officially over. i'm back in hall, trying to mug but failing so miserably.. holiday hangover. this study week is horrible, clashing with cny, eating up half of my study time. it really shouldn't be in the same week..brr.. today's like mostly wasted.. nothing concrete done. i'm left with thurs, fri, sat n sun!! ok guys.. i'm gonna be abit anti-social these few weeks.. sigh. i'm sorry but i really may not be able to meet up anytime soon. i'm in deep shit cos i've several tests over the next few weeks but i've not started on anything, really. i really wanna try the best for my cap this sem.. so yeah.. gonna coop myself up in hall studying. somehow i can only study in hall.. no other places work for me. wahaha. sorry to sound so anti-social.. but i really really miss everyone so much n hope to catch up soon! any plans tell me k and i'll see if i can go.

hope everyone had a lovely cny :)

our lil' vday adventure

was blogging bout my vday plans yesterday... and turns out we did carry it out in the end! guess wat we did? hahaha... *drumrolls*......we went on a..... camping trip!!

yes yes.. this is the very thing i was so excited about! actually we wanted to have it on the sentosa beach, but a check at their website at the very last min we realised that tents are not allowed after 7pm!!?! boohoo... so we went all the way to the other end of the island and had it at east coast park instead.

it's still nice la.. i've been wanting it for the longest time ever.. and was so excited bout it that thong said i'm like some small little gal who's never been on a camping trip before... haha...

so we packed our bags...

finally got to use my big picnic bag from bali!

thong's nice bag.... nice cos it's a present from me hehe...

most importantly, our pillows n munchies!!

and then we reached ecp at bout 11pm+... took awhile for us to recce the area and choose a location as thong wanted somewhere near to other campers... sheesh.. he's so scared of us being the only campers around and all.. hahaha... so until we found an area with lotsa campers was he satisfied... i told him i could protect him la..hehe.

check out thong setting up the tent so expertly.. (while i was playing around).. hehe.. it was actually threatening to rain at this time! horror... so he put extra pegs in case our tent fly away or something.. din rain in the end though, luckily.

tada, our tent's up!
it may look tiny here, but it's actually very spacious inside!

haha.. it can actually fit a full thong.. and more..

hmm... so wat did we do during the trip?? it was actually a pretty short trip, considering we only reached there around midnight, and left quite early in the morning.. around 9plus. some stargazing was done.. not that there's alot of stars here in s'pore.. but lying beneath the night sky on the beach is definitely better than trying to catch any glimpse of stars in the city.. i've always wanted to do this, lying under a blanket of stars. my only gripe is that there were so many campers around us, though most of them were like hidden in their tents (i dunno wat's there to do inside their tents.. me n thong were like the only ones popping out and about..), and also, there're so many coconut trees around! each time u try to look up into the sky u see coconuts in ur field of vision as well... grrr...

oh and we brought a laptop along as well.... wahaha.. the boy can't keep still without having anything to do la. so we watched a movie.. meet the parents. in fact it's the 3rd or 4th time we're watching... but it's still funny. hehe. i know it sounds like we have nothing better to do... haha.. but trust me, even watching a movie on the beach, with the sea breeze blowing in ur face (wat's more, with ur loved one!) is pretty cool... heh... whole new experience.

guess i just really like the idea of going away from the hustle bustle of the city, taking a breather of fresh air out by the nature.. somewhere like the beach is my fav. love the therapeutic sounds of the waves, light breeze, and even the greens around. expensive romantic meals in some posh restaurant or camping trip, i'd take the latter anytime. i seriously think the best way to spend quality time with ur loved one is by spending it in the nature.. not somewhere where everything is pretentious, where u have to watch ur social etiquette and wat nots. here by the nature, we can be totally ourselves.. hop around, laze around... we're just, free.. just thong, me, and our flip-flops. anytime. no dresses, makeup, fancy stuff. so there, my idea of a vday is not some posh celebration. i think those dun last. in fact i think my best memories of the times we had together are stuff like going to the beach, cycling together (he cycle me la, cos i can't cycle..tsk..), picnicking, night safari (yes, i love it!), and now camping's on my list! and the next i wanna try out is kite-flying.. sounds so fun!

oops i think i'm digressing. back to my trip. yes, so the ground was hard and it was difficult to get to sleep. but i still love our tent! haha.. and in the middle of the night bout 4am, when we were finally deep in sleep, this 3 stupid guys came and sat on a bench next to our tent. and talked soooo loudly! i could hear everything they were saying.. some stuff bout their career, homes, no gfs.. haha.. i was so irritated i poked my head out and shhhhh very loudly at them. tsk tsk... i know it's a public place n everything, but pls la.. u see so many tents around, u shld be able to infer that there're pple sleeping inside right?? still not paiseh to talk n shout... 4-5am somemore! i walk around pple's tents already feel paiseh.. stupid guys. and of all the benches along east coast they chose the one nearest to us...sheesh. bleh. anyway we were supposed to wake up at 6am to watch the sunrise.. but when thong's alarm went off, i remember i muttered something like... i dun want to watch the sunrise laaa....and dozed back... hehe.. so, no sunrise for us. sobs.

ok i talked so much, here's some pics...

ours..

and our neighbours... right....

and left...

so many tents right?? and some left by this time already. hmm notice there isn't a single soul around... cos seriously none of the campers came out of their tents except for us!! the entire night n morning! now this is so weird... they're either spending all their time sleeping... or hmm.. let's not speculate. it's vday anyway, so give em a break! wahaha.

2 happy souls.. :)

aiyah shit...i realise my post is really getting very long and i still have so many things to talk about... i dunno whether it's boring to read such a long post... but heck la.. i'll just try to be less longwinded...hahaha.. anyway it's only today that i realised we could have gone on the trip today (the actual vday) itself.. cos our lesson ends at 9pm, and we'd still have lotsa time to get there!! brrr... i pushed it forward cos of the lesson.. i'm so dim. so i suggested to thong that we go pitch again today, and he was like, u go yourself, i sleep in hall! bleh.

the silly boy bought me a bouquet of roses. i've always told him not to spend this kind of money... esp since the prices are so skewed on occasions like vday. last yr, i told him specifically to just get me a single stalk of tulip (our hall takes orders for flowers). and yr before that, i told him if he wants to get me flowers, just buy from the market, cos they're really so much cheaper n nicer! (if i dun tell him these he wouldn't know wat to get n buy expensive ones in the end, or get cheated by sellers!) sigh, i know he's really just sweet la, but i dun want him wasting this kind of money. esp now we're saving up for our grad trips. i'd really just be contented with one or two simple flowers, like last yr, when i was so happy to put that tulip into my vase... i love flowers alot, but one is really enough. anyway, wat's done is done and i still appreciate the roses he gave me..

very very sweet roses... 9 of them. they're wrapped by our freshies in hall, which is really sweet as well.. they kept asking me whether i think it's nice.. hahaha. honestly i'd have preferred him not wrapping them up.. save money n i can put them in my vase! looks prettier n fresher that way too! anyway last night we brought the flowers along to camp, cos we couldn't bear to leave them alone in hall...hahhaa. today we took them out of the wrapper cos they're like withering. and we added a panadol into the water as well.. hehe. hope they can last a few days more.

and we finally bought a pair of couple rings..hehe. thong and accessories dun quite go well together, but i'm glad he agreed to wear it! they're not expensive or anything.. just small gifts for each other that we felt is appropriate after 3 yrs together.. it's just sweet and fun to be wearing the same thing together day in and out. hehe.

and i met up with charissa today to exchange gifts! it's like our annual ritual cos we've been in the same school n it's easier to meet up tt way.. guess both of us r also the type who likes to give small little prezzies on special days. anyway guess wat she gave me?

a cute little japanese bean pie!! doraemon's tong luo shao!! wahahaa... so cute!! charissa the doraemon gave out little tong luo shaos today.. ooh and it's so yummy... soft n fluffy. i gobbled it up already gal.. hehe. do they sell little ones? it'll be so cute if they do.. and easy to eat too! in exchange i gave her a little pink rose. hope she likes it. sadly this yr i din receive alot of lil gifts.. most of my closer friends in sch grad already..haaha.. ooh by the way char, now u know why i din tell u bout my trip. cos it's such a long story...hehehe.

alright this must be the longest post ever... i'm mad. hope nobody's asleep yet. it's actually bout 4am now.. though i know the time says 10.55 cos tt was the time i started writing.. then i went off for a movie and saved the draft. it's time i go catch up on some sleep lost during the trip. hopefully i'll dream of it or something..

anyway to my dear friends out there, though most of them dun even know of this blog yet, i love y'all and i wanna let u know i treasure u in my life and i hope u had a great vday and friendship day. tata!

pre-vday

yay! social psych project is over! n wat's more, we din even need to present today! usually when the class dragged for too long, there won't be time left for presentations.. so we just handed up the slides... whee.. bonus.. oh and we received our grades for last week's presentation already. me n thong obtained 7.7 upon 10! haha..to us it's good enough going by dr why's standards. he actually gave us an 8, but students' evaluation for us was 7... so it just averaged out. students are usually so niao with marks.. myself included.. hee... anyway i'm just so happy n contented. :)

these 2 days r meant for relaxing after the stressful projects... and also before the next flux of mid-terms start to take a toll on me.. basically i have bout 8 mid-terms left... mixture of tests, presentations and essays, all centering around the post-midterm weeks... if this is jialat, last sem was worse... had like 13 midterms then! and i rem bout 7-8 of them were in a short span of 2 weeks... yeah basically screwed up the entire sem... this sem has better planning (i.e. chopping the early slots for projects)..tsk tsk..

anyway, it's v-day tmr!! hmm to me it's a day which symbolises lotsa love n friendship.. always have lotsa sweet memories of this occasion. can rem how from sec school till now, me n girlfriends will always exchange little gifts and flowers! we'll either make little gifts or cards ourselves, or bring little roses or flowers for one another to exchange in school... haha.. i guess now this sorta gift exchange is gettin lesser.. abit hard to exchange now that there're much lesser friends in school. it's really just the sweet lil' thoughts that count.. like just having a few small flowers from pple can cheer me up so much.. and i'll put them in vases and stuff.. haha.. just love the whole atmosphere of love n friendship in the air.. be it with friends or with that special someone.

so how am i spending it with my special someone? well actually we dun usually do big celebrations and stuff. no big gifts, big dinners or big flowers... haha.. we just like to keep things simple n i guess, just the company of each other is sweet enough, no matter how cliche this sounds. and we usually have lessons on vday...boohoo.. including this yr... in fact we're both gonna have lessons till 9pm tmr. so we've decided to celebrate vday today instead! shan't divulge our plans yet... in case things dun turn out right in the end.. haha.. nothing fanciful, zero cost, but certainly sweet... sighh it's just that Mr Rain seems to be here to screw things up...rarrrr..... shoo... i've been so excited last night that i actually couldn't fall asleep (instead of worrying bout my presentation).. so i hope we're able to carry out the plan still.. stupid thong doesn't seem excited at all.. in fact he said we can always go another day! *bleh u*

okies think i'll blog more bout it tmr...
if i dun, it means the plans din go as planned la. so better dun remind me bout it. heh.
to all u friends, have a great vday, even if u're single, as vday is not just meant for romantic love la.. go catch the spirit of friendship n love yeah :)

career woes

today was career fair day. thereafter was lunch at munchie's with ceci, char, thong n weijin who came n joined us for awhile. the food sux big time.. or shall i say, it has deproved so much since it first started. cmon guys, dun get bigheaded with ur success n do ur pastas right. haha..

afternoon was spent shopping with ceci at vivo for cny clothes. although i love shopping n i love my babe, today just wasn't going right cos of the monthly cramps thingy. horrid to be strutting around in high heels n carrying heavy bags with the cramps going on, during one of my fav pastimes! sorry babe.. i'd be so much more hyper doing shoppin at any other day. nonetheless twas fun literally going crazy in fashion city. lol.

newaes, here r some after-thoughts from the career fair...

hmmz, a tad disappointed because i think the info i've gotten today are already mostly what i've already known or expected. mainly cos i only targetted those booths of which the companies r those i've already been eyeing before this so sorta know some stuff already and all. wat they told me did help me confirm my beliefs though, so i've sorta a clearer pic.

hmm some representatives were really bad at wat they were doing, i.e. selling themselves and providing sufficient info at least. some of them weren't even keen on elaborating on their companies' job positions, describing jobscopes (saying things like i'm not sure, or pls check out website for info is not exactly helping ur company's image) when i asked. and basically no one tried to explain their companies' goals and visions. call me picky but i'm the kind who, if u show no interest in telling me bout ur company when i'm interested to know (asked politely), i'll just walk away n basically throw ur pamphlet or whatever written things that u hoped could substitute ur talking. hee..bitch in me unleashed. i swear i'm still pms-ing.

ok la, shan't say until it's so bad..hahaa..think only 2 or 3 companies like that la.. basically got the info i needed. and gotta say the counsellor at prisons was soooo super nice n friendly n patient to my queries. she wins representative of the day. hmm i'm seriously considering a career in counselling. partly cos all the psych positions require second upper or above (read: "criteria is to have a degree in any discipline except for Psychologist appointments, whereby 2nd upper honours is required"). now u know why i'm so sad bout my cap.

so beggars can't be choosers n i'm considering the next best option, counselling. but also partly due to my wish in doing something fulfilling n challenging, like contributing to community or something... erm ok..i think pple will go... huh? contribute to community..u wanna act like some saint or wat? hmm..it's really nothing of the sort. it's more like, a personal challenge and personal dream. like just more interested in community issues and hoping to make any sort of humble, quiet contribution to pple who need the help. i'm really interested in children too.. i think MCYS has some project under the UN convention on the Rights of the Child, and i'm really keen to be into this sort of community projects. or being a Child Protection Officer sounds super interesting and fulfilling to me at least. i really hope they open up this kind of positions soon... or just stuff like organising projects, programmes, schemes and whatever for children, elderly or underprivileged, such as target groups like autistic children. i think these are the kinds of jobs that'll keep me going, nevermind the pay and occasional bitching bout the stress n low pay.. just hope they have these sort of opportunities up soon.

sighh.. i dunno la.. i'm open to other kinds of jobs too, like the british american tobacco company sounds really interesting, what with the 2 yrs management training with opportunities to go overseas for training! i'm just not sure whether i'll live with the idea of contributing to lung cancer rates though. hahaha. another field i'm interested in going into is journalism too.. with my short humble experience with youth.sg, i think it was an eye-opener and definitely i think it's a field with lotsa challenge and fun (but stressssss... i rem struggling to hand up articles while juggling other work). so basically i'm really open to other sorts of opportunities, but given a suitable chance or opening i'd love to go into community work. of cos i can't be sure if i'd love it in the end... but as with everything, u never try u never know.

hmm, out of pure undergrad kiasu-ism i printed 10 copies of my resume today. and deposited none. i'm gonna use those copies as rough paper for my notes. sad la.. i thought i could have made a lil progress by dropping resume here and there. but end up the companies all asked me to sign up online. and gotta wait for vacancies to be up on their website too. sighhhh. problem now is: when shld i apply online? they said nearer to graduation, but everyone says shld do it earlier, what with the long interview process and so many other kiasu grads... but then again, if i do it now even if there's no vacancies for the position i want, then no point also right? surely they'll put me on hold. i'll just see how things go. basically the companies of my interest from the fair today are: mindef, prisons, mcys, british american tobacco.

alrighty. off to do some serious work... get started on next presentation! arghh..

ceci mentioned thong is sweet to me.. hmm i can't agree better.

food escapades

whee! human psychophysiology presentation's over and done with!

the past few days were spent in a frenzy typing the slides, worrying and fretting over everything cos me n thong weren't too sure of the statistical analyses and all that.. stupid manova. and wat's more it's dr why.. dun ask me why his surname is why. if u're a psych student u'll understand my worries. let's just say everything gotta be flawless. well, all done's done and i'm just glad we pulled thru and i think it wasn't a bad try at all.. he didn't seem to have too much to pick on at least (once only i think..wahahah). wat's impt to me is we delivered the facts and the rest is up to him.

alright, next up is social psych presentation! boohoo.

anyway, even tho' i sound real busy over the presentation, me n thong still found lotsa time to relax, slack, and eat over the weekend. whee! here r some pics from the weekend on our food escapades:

first up is blk 85 bedok bak chor mee!! been craving for it ever since i've been introduced to the lovely soup noodles some weeks ago. i bugged thong for it everyday until he could no longer take it n drove me down last fri! look at my smug face with my big bowl of noodles: large, $3, with 10 meatballs! please buy from the correct stall, as there're 2 bak chor mee stalls side-by-side. the left one's the dude.

thong's eating pork porridge...very nice too!

next up is the hong kong cha chan teng at marina square. forgot the name... dun think it's fantastic... the po lo bao (my fav bun!) was disappointing.. the one at crystal jade is way better. pls do try out the po lo bao in the menu at crystal jade... not the one u take-away from their bakery. it's hot, crispy, and melts in ur mouth! hmm we also tried their fried beancurd prawn wrap (a tad too oily), pork burger (the one we tried in macau is way better) and charsiew soup noodles (so-so la). the drink i was happily sipping is the iced ying yong (coffee+tea).. not bad and enough for 2. hee.

supper/dessert was at icekimo, this lil' cute ice-cream parlour tucked away at sin ming centre along upper thomson.. they have some rather unique flavours which i can't rem anymore. anyway we took horlicks (the white one, duh) and green tea with banana waffle... yumz. oh if u do pop by there, rem to go this cake shop a few doors down.. called the baker's story or something. sells really good cheese brownies and cranberry brownies. $1.90 each only! u're welcome to buy for me too.

finally went down to max brenner's for my chocolate fix one or two weeks ago.. after a 1 yr hiatus. miss the feeling of having thick, smooth chocolate sliding down my throat. haha.. ordered the usual suckao.. and a plate of chocolate licks. the chocolate licks are totally not worth it.. just a small plate of chocolates, that are exactly the same as those given for my suckao!! with ice-cream sticks no less. wth.. i'm better off with cadbury, thanks. think i'm getting abit sick of suckao.. preferred thong's italian chocolate though..

lovely! okie.. long food blog in a day.. simply love food adventures and hunting. very lastly, our next food to conquer is this:

haha..from uncle vincent's supper!! thong says we shld try it at least once before we grad. hmm.. i agree. yumz. i love food blogging!

the prison of the present

what an apt term for the exact situation i'm in.

i feel that i'm mentally trapped. i know that for these two semesters i've not been myself.. and i've often been preoccupied.. often swinging between moods, sometimes getting depressed even. i'm not sure what i'm doing.. i'm not even sure of myself. i'm constantly worried.. especially now that it's the second sem and my very last one in uni, the tension and turmoil within myself is escalating. and yes, it's the issue of the cap once again.

i dunno for how long i'm gonna be bogged down by this. i just know it's gonna affect me for the longest time ever. at least till i grad or even a little while longer. i've been stressing myself up, pressuring myself to get a second upper. i'm only 0.07 away. it's near, but still far. one monster in me keeps telling myself, i gotta get it. gotta try.. gotta do anything i can. i'm so near.. dun give up. i've worked hard for 3 yrs.. dun let it all go down the drain. do it while i still can. but another monster in me says, is this all worth it? is it worth stressing myself up like this? life isn't all bout grades and achievements. it's more impt being happy, and smelling the roses along the way isn't it? why can't i just let go? give myself a break. then the other monster will be like.. it's the last chance u'll ever have.. dun give up on yourself.

gosh.. i sound like some schizo. i know i'm mentally tortured. and i know it's nothing good for me. i really really gotta relax. gotta let go of the past.. forget that horrid semester when everything went down the drain. the semester without which, i'd already have gotten a second upp. i gotta learn how to forgive myself, accept myself and my limits.

but the horror of the present. how i hate whatever i'm studying.. how i hate some psych students sometimes, for being so damn smart, so damn kiasu, arrogant and wateva. everyone's fighting for the few As, openly doing whatever they can.. i know i can't blame them. i just can't help feeling how i can't climb up their ladder.. how i can't catch up no matter how i try. it's a cruel world out there. rat race. brings out the ugly side of pple, even myself.

how i just wish i can go back to pre-honours days. when i simply enjoyed what i studied, took everything in stride, just had quiet confidence in myself, and actually did quite well. now i'm constantly stressed out... no longer studying the material cos i'm interested in them (but really, the courses in honours are shit), and i seem to be always keeping view of grades, grades, and grades. i hate studying this way. i hate it. i hate the prison of the present i'm trapped in.

i know my philosophy in life is to be happy. as simple as that. and even this, i can't do for myself now. i thought i'd have already learnt life's big lesson. with the senseless deaths of a couple of friends, relatives and friends' or neighbours' families over these few yrs, i thought i'd try to treasure life and the pple around me, instead of letting my cap issue take over my life. i'm sorry to my loved ones.. for not being myself lately. esp to thong, who has to listen to my troubles, and cryings even.

but does anyone understand the dilemma i'm facing? the stress of getting a gd degree, gd honours.. esp if u know how hard i've worked for so many semesters, my expectations and how near i am already. i've done well for every single semester but one. am i doing myself justice? but now i need a miracle to be able to do it. and i'm beginning to wonder if it's all worth it. shld i just let go? and enjoy life from now? i really dun wanna remain so miserable, being stuck in this senseless pursuit. yet i can't seem to let go.